"How can I say thanks
for the things You have done for me?
Things so undeserved,
yet You gave to prove Your love for me;
the voices of a million angels
could not express my gratitude.
All that I am and ever hope to be,
I owe it all to Thee."
(Lyrics to My Tribute)
By request, I am going to go back and share the story of how we received our new van from Taco Bell. Crazy, right? But I have certainly learned that anything is possible with God, and He can be very creative when He is teaching us to rely completely on Him!
Following Kaylee's healing, many things were taking place simultaneously, both good and bad. While God was restoring so many things in our lives, we were also in the middle of the intense backfire that I have talked about in recent blogs. The timing of this special gift from God was very meaningful to me. It was not only a much needed miracle for our family, but also a reminder of God's continual presence in the midst of the fire. The lyrics above so perfectly express my gratitude to God for all that He has done.
If you will remember, it was only 5 months after Kaylee had been diagnosed with Crohn's disease that our financial hardships began. The timing of this first job loss had been extremely difficult and frightening for me, not only because we lost our income at a time we were spending a great deal of money on Kaylee's care, but because we lost our medical insurance as well. If I had stopped the expensive and time consuming diet at that moment, Kaylee's life could have been in immediate danger. There was no way we could afford to put her back on the medication without insurance, which was the only other option. But even more importantly, I felt strongly that God led me to this diet and that He had warned me about the potential dangers (at least for her) of the medication. It was hard to understand the timing of this, when I felt that God had made it so clear what He wanted me to do. For whatever reason, this nightmare continued on throughout much of her illness, and it seemed that every time we got some relief and thought it was behind us, it would hit again. Although I never turned away from God, or lost my hope that He would rescue us, I came out of this time with a great deal of fear, particularly in the area of finances.
This overwhelming fear was intensified toward the end when it seemed as though the enemy had taken over my husband. As the job losses continued, I watched him turn into an angry, bitter man. At that point, it seemed that he had unknowingly joined camps with the enemy for the destruction of our family. We were all living with the consequences of his choice to turn away from God, and there was nothing I could do to stop the destruction.
After many prayers (and following a three day fast) for God's intervention, I believe that He took over the situation and removed my husband from our home. My husband has given me permission to share this in hopes that it might help someone else one day, and to his credit, I also want to acknowledge that he has continued to provide for us throughout these years. He has gone above and beyond what many men would have done in his situation.
A couple of years after he joined the military, he was given a bonus for enlisting again, which he also sent back to us to help with our financial recovery. This money came at a much needed time, and I was able to replenish many things that had been neglected through the years. I was able to purchase new living room furniture and a few other things throughout the house. I was also able to purchase a used car for my teenage daughters to share. It was a much needed relief for our family.
With so many things to catch up on, however, the money didn't last very long. I tried to spend this money wisely, and put a little back for emergencies, because I knew it would likely be a long time before there was any extra money again (and remember we had no credit or savings at this point). Although there was not enough money for me to purchase a new vehicle for myself, I believe with all of my heart that our new van was secured during this time. God had something critical He needed to teach me.
Through the years, I had not been consistent in the area of tithing. There were times I had been very faithful in my tithing, but also times when I was not. The many fears that I had over money had a great deal to do with this inconsistency, and following so much financial hardship, it was more difficult than ever for me to turn over control of my finances to God. I am embarrassed to admit that this is still an area I struggle with today. For many of you, tithing may be a no-brainer and an automatic (and it should be), but for me, at that time in my life, it took tremendous strength and faith for me to drop a check in the offering plate for a very large amount (a tithe on the bonus) knowing the overwhelming needs that still remained. I remember that my hand was literally shaking as that check went in the plate that day. It wasn't very long after this that I had to put a new transmission in our van. It was unexpected things, such as this, that kept me feeling anxious (with no credit and very little put back).
Even though I had these fears, and even though I wasn't always wise with my spending, God was always so patient with me. My childhood had been plagued with financial hardship as well, and because of this, it was hard for me to watch my children go without (not without the basic needs of food, clothing, or shelter, but without "American needs" - the things that would help them fit in and be confident and secure in these times. I am sure that many of you can relate. I didn't want my children to experience the hardships I had growing up. Not having a car of my own, when all of my friends did, is one example of many things that were hard for me.
God would continually remind me that if I would trust Him completely with everything, even with my children's needs (and wants), that He had the ability to mulitply what we faithfully gave back to Him. I believe that He wanted to demonstrate this to me. In the months leading up to this time, He had let me know that in order for Him to bless our family, to the degree He desired, I had to first be faithful to Him in this area. I had to let go of my control, and rely on Him completely.
It wasn't long after this period of time that God also led me to fast, and on January 18th, 2008, I began by thanking God for my many blessings (including my van that was still running). I believe that this was another key moment that secured our new van. That night God took me to a verse (Isaiah 60:20) to let me know that He was about to bring our hardships to an end.
Not long after this time, things began to turn around for us. It was also during this same time that Kaylee was being "set up" to receive her complete healing, which came exactly seven months later, on August 18th, 2008.
One day, when my husband was at Taco Bell in South Korea, he scratched off the sticker on the side of his cup (which would normally tell you if you have just won a free drink or an order of nachos.) But instead, this sticker read that he was not an instant winner, but told him to go enter in the code on the sticker to see if he had won the grand prize. He told me later that he had thrown at least two of these same stickers away prior to this, but for some reason, he went and entered the code in this time. When he did, the computer screen started flashing and let him know that he had just won a brand new sports car!
Again, to my husband's credit, he knew the situatution we were in back home with our van, and he asked if he could trade the sports car in for a family van instead. I am very grateful for this sacrifice, and I believe that God was also giving him a chance to make things right with us after the destruction he had caused (such as the loss of our house). He has carried a lot of guilt over these things.
Yet what was even more significant, for me personally, is that the paperwork I still have on my van reads: Delivery date, January 18th. On this day, exactly two years from the day God promised me that He was bringing our hardships to an end, I went to Montgomery to pick up our brand new, 2010 Town and Country van, equipped with leather seats, two televisions, and many other cool features. I honestly couldn't even completely believe it until I was driving away. God was reminding me, once again, of the promise he had made me on that date, and also assuring me that everything was ultimately from HIS hand! He has continued to be faithful to restore our lives.
Again, because there had been so much controversy during this same time, and because I was right in the midst of this backfire, this gift and the timing had been very significant for me. There had been some well intended friends who had questioned my experience with God on January 18th. God was also confirming this night to me again. Also, if you will remember, someone within the church where Kaylee's healing took place had pointed fingers to my past hardships and tried to use this against me as well (indicating that I had no real "fruit" in my life). Although I know that our finances are not what God considers "fruit", and I would like to think that my children are representative of my real "fruit", it was a wonderful reminder to me that God does not judge by outward appearances as men do. He looks at our hearts. Financial hardships can hit anyone at any time, and this does not discount our testimonies, indicate the condition of our hearts, or mean that we do not belong to God. Satan had been hard at work, trying to discredit me and our testimony by pulling up these hardships (my rear-view mirror). But God was giving me another huge reminder, at just the right time, that He was with me. I don't consider my van to be my "fruit" but it is another beautiful part of my personal testimony. I talk about it any opportunity I have (often with the grocery baggers who walk my groceries to the van at Publix). I always make sure to give God the glory!
"And the God of grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered for a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." I Peter 5:10
Those times in my life had been so hard to walk through, yet I had come out of it with so much compassion for the poor and the weak (those who are often disregarded). There is always a reason that God allows our suffering, and if we will trust Him through it, He will take the enemy's wicked schemes and work them for good. This time left me with a passion to reach out to those in need, not only to offer hope, comfort and prayer, but also to offer help. This is a committment I have made to God.
After we received our new van, we heard about a family (with six small children) in immediate need of a vehicle large enough to fit their family so that they could get to church. Our old van was still working fine at the time, and had a newer engine and transmission, so we decided to give our old van to this family. I considered this to be my tithe on my new van and a way to give back to God a small portion of what He had just done for me. It was so tender and special to me when a few days after I decided to do this, Kaylee noticed that the tires were worn and would soon need to be replaced. I didn't have the money to do this at the time, so she insisted on buying four brand new tires herself. All of the hardship our family experienced had also refined and shaped my children's hearts. I couldn't ask for any more than that!
I received a great deal of criticism (especially within my family) for my decision to give our old van away. Although they meant well, I was continually reminded that I would eventually have to pay taxes on this new van. I decided to leave that in God's hands. There was no way I could know of a need like this, one I could so heavily relate to, and not help after what God had just done for me.
Shortly after we had given our old van away, I went to pick up the tag for my new one. I waited until the very last day because I had to come up with the money (which I expected to be around $500-$600). I was shocked when they informed me that I would also have to pay the sales tax on the van that day in order to receive my tag (I can't remember the exact amount, but it was around $1,400). I remember that I felt very foolish when I told them that I would have to come back and get the tag later. As I was walking away, I seriously questioned my decision not to sell our van for the money (which would have more than covered that amount). I had no idea how I would come up with that amount of money, and the longer it took, the more I would be charged in penalties. I kept thinking that this was only the beginning of the burden of taxes I would now owe the government on this "gift."
The children and I worked hard, combined our resources, and were eventually able to come up with the extra money to pay for the sales tax and tag. Praise God! That was the last amount we would ever pay on our gift from God. He miraculously took care of the income taxes we owed the following year as well. (I will share that story in a private message for anyone who is interested). It was all TRULY a miracle!
It was right around the same time I received my new van that I had begun reaching out to Michelaine and Mason. It took a year for her to finally warm up to me, during which I prayed and asked God to make a way. At this time, I found out that she was struggling in many areas of her life, including her finances. God let me know that this was the way He had made for me, and that I needed to allow Him to lead me. I sent her a message, letting her know that I had also struggled financially throughout much of Kaylee's illness, and that I understood. I also told her that I would be praying and that I would do anything I could to help her.
Following this message, she finally broke down and told me just how hard things really were. Along with Mason's on-going medical problems, and all of the financial hardships surrounding that, she and Mason had to be out of their apartment in just a few days and had nowhere to go. She was desperately trying to find something she could afford in the short period of time before she had to be back in Cincinnati with Mason. I truly don't know how she was handling everything she had on her at that time. I have to say she is one of the strongest women I have ever met. But at that time, she confessed to me that she was about to the point of giving up, a place she had never been before.
Again I asked God to use me in any way that He needed. I had no idea that by praying this and offering this to God, I would soon have the two of them (along with their two dogs) living with us in our house in Auburn. But again, I wouldn't trade this time, or the blessing my children and I received through it, for anything in this world. This was God's plan to bring us all together, for us to share our personal testimony, and to connect them to the church and the people that God would use to touch Mason's life!
Shortly after this, God laid it on my heart to ask Michelaine to meet up with me so that I could give her some money to help with her expenses. He even gave me a specific amount to give. He let me know that this was a necessary step, not only because of Michelaine's overwhelming needs, but so that both of them would see that I genuinely cared about what they were going through. This verse often comes to my mind when I think about how we should respond to those in need:
"Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it?" (James 2:15&16)
It was during this meeting (the first time I had seen Michelaine since high school) that I was also able to meet Mason for the first time. I will never forget this meeting because it was nothing like what I was expecting. From all the pictures I had seen, and all I had heard throughout that year, I expected to see a weak, frail, broken, timid child. Instead, what I saw before me was an outgoing, outspoken, strong-willed, somewhat rebelious, angry young man. It was likely that these personality traits, many of which he had been born with (which are similar to my own at times) had been necessary for his survival to that point. They simply needed to be redirected.
What Mason desperately needed at that time was to know that his life had great value and purpose and that God loved him more than he could ever imagine! God was about to show him this in the most incredible way!
