Our Story, Part Fifty-Five (Human Delegated Authority)

"'Those who are supposed to rule over the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great men exercise authority over them,' Jesus said to his disciples, 'but it shall not be so among you!'  Rather than being lords, he went on to say, disciples are to be servants of one another and the greatest is the one who is servant to all."

Mark 10:42-43  

For most of my life, I have had a very trusting view when it came to my pastors or to those in a position of "spiritual authority" in the church.  I saw them as being there for my benefit and for my protection. They were there to help teach me, guide me and to counsel me, through the wisdom of the Holy Spirit, if I needed it.  I had never felt intimidated, threatened or fearful of that position in a church, until now. When I looked over the handout I had been given the Sunday morning I decided to go back to the church where Kaylee's prayer service had taken place, and realized that I was about to hear a sermon on submission to authority, I felt very uneasy.  When I glanced down on this sheet, this was what I first noticed: 

2. ________ against God's direct or delegated human authority is a serious sin with serious consequences.

I instantly began to feel weak, and honestly, I wanted to get out of there!  It wasn't because I was living a life of rebellion to God. I wasn't. In fact, I was seeking Him and His will for my life like never before. It was because of the way I had been treated by the leadership of this church.  I no longer trusted that they had mine or my children's best interest at heart. Although I had loved and agreed with every sermon I had ever heard in this church, I didn't want to hear this particular sermon, at least not from them.  

I strongly suspected that what I was being accused of, although it was not the truth, had something to do with "rebellion" to their authority. I had been accused of going around the pastor to get "my way" concerning Kaylee's prayer service.  I had been accused of manipulation. I didn't want to sit through this message, knowing many believed this to be true about me.  

Yet, at that point, if I was to get up and walk out, with my parade of children behind me, it would look even worse for me. It would look like I was guilty! I had no choice but to sit through it, no matter what they thought about me, and I suspected it was going to be a very long, grueling hour. I began to question my decision to go back to this church. 

But as we began to worship, a peace and strength began to come over me. I realized that it was no accident that I was there that morning.  God had brought me there for a reason.  For more than three years now, I had been in such confusion about what had happened following Kaylee's prayer service.  I had been praying and asking God to deliver me! When I think back now, it's honestly amazing what God did for me on this day.  The leadership was not being completely upfront or honest with me about the accusations against me, so out of His great love and mercy, He was about to give me these answers. You see, I knew that ultimately it wasn't really about this church, these pastors, or this congregation anyway.  It was about what Satan had set up against me in order to shut down our testimony. I now believe that it was this particular teaching within the church, concerning submission to authority, that Satan had used to build his case against me. 

Prior to this day, I had never heard a sermon on delegated human authority or spiritual authority in the church quite like this before.  To be honest, I wasn't really sure what to make of it. There were a lot of good points throughout the sermon, but there were parts that really confused me as well.  
For the purpose of brevity, I am not going to be able to cover every detail of this sermon, although I wish I could.  But I am going to cover the parts that really stood out to me. Fortunately, because these sermons are still available to watch online, I have been able to go back and watch it again and will be able to quote much of it directly. 

The sermon was delivered by a guest speaker, but I assume his viewpoints represented those of this church on the subject of submission to authority.  I would like for you to imagine, if you can, how this sermon made me feel, and the emotions that it stirred up inside of me, on the heels of everything that had leaked back to me about what I was being accused of in this church. It sounded so familiar at times that I almost felt as though I was on trial.

The pastor began by saying that if King David were here today he would tell us this:

"You are exalted by God as you humble yourselves under God's authority." 

He started out with the example of David's submission to King Saul's authority while he was the anointed king in waiting.  

"No one is the exception to this truth about submission to authority," he began,  "Your life has been profoundly affected by this since the day you were born.  Your life and your family will be affected by this until the day that you die." 

He then went on to explain that just as King David was not an exception to this truth, neither was Jesus.  

He told us that Mary, as Jesus' human mother, was co-parenting Jesus with God.  He said that Jesus was submitted to Mary's authority until he began his ministry, at thirty years of age, and that at this time, Mary gave Jesus permission to begin his ministry. 

He began by talking about the time Jesus was 12 years old (about to turn 13) and he went with his parents to Jerusalem for the Feast of the Passover. After the feast was over, Joseph and Mary headed for home and had been on the road for an entire day, unaware that Jesus was not with them. Jesus had remained behind in the temple courts and was sitting among the teachers.  When they went back and found Jesus in the temple, three days later, Mary questioned him as to why he had done this to them.  

The pastor described the rest of the story in this way:  

"Jesus so innocently said, 'I must be about my Father's business.'  And she (Mary) said, 'No you don't! God!'  She knew he was God.  He knew he was God.  She said 'No' to God!  And he went home ...for 17 years.  He was 'put out.'  He believed, that at 13 years old, he was ready to begin his ministry and be about his Father's business, but remember, Mary and God the Father were co-parenting Jesus, and Mary had a role to play as his authority figure. And Jesus was innocent, but Jesus was wrong. And he goes home with Mary for 17 years."  

The pastor then went on to explain to us how, when Jesus was 30 years old, at a wedding at Cana in Galilee, Mary gave Jesus permission to begin his ministry.  This happened at a point when they ran out of wine at this wedding.  

He went to on to describe this moment in this way:  

"So she (Mary) turns to him and says, 'They're out of wine.'  Again, he was 'put out' with her.  He didn't want to do it. And he uses a Hebrew idiom and says, 'Woman, what do I have to do with you?'"

The pastor then explained that Jesus did as Mary asked, turning the water into wine, thus beginning his ministry.  

He concluded the story in this way:  

"At 13 years old, he wanted to begin his ministry; his mother told him 'No', and he was 'put out' with her.  At 30 years old, he was not ready to begin; his mother told him 'Yes' and he started.  In both cases, he was 'put out'."      

"No one is an exception to this issue," the pastor told us.

He continued on, filling in the blanks of the handout we had been given, as he described to us four truths concerning the issue of submission to authority.

1.  God is the originator of submission and Satan is the originator of rebellion.  

"All authority is from God. Rebellion is from the devil." 

He referenced the following verses:  

"Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God. Therefore whoever resist the authority resist the ordinance of God, and those who resist will bring judgment on themselves.  For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to evil.  Do you want to be unafraid of the authority? Do what is good, and you will have praise from the same.  For he is God's minister to you for good. But if you do evil, be afraid; for he does not bear the sword in vain; for he is God's minister, an avenger to execute wrath on him who practices evil. Therefore you must be subject, not because of wrath but also for conscience sake. For because of this, you also pay taxes, for they are God's ministers attending continually to this very thing. Render therefore to all their due: taxes to whom taxes are due, customs to whom customs, fear to whom fear, honor to whom honor."  (Romans 13:1-7)

"All authority is from God and God expects us to submit to human authority," he reiterated. 

"God operates in an atmosphere of authority but Satan operates in an atmosphere of rebellion to authority."  

"It's interesting here," he went on, referring to II Thessalonians 2:7-10,  "It says the lawless one, the Antichrist, when he arises, Satan is able to work with all powers, signs and lying wonders because Satan operates in an atmosphere of rebellion."

"The Antichrist spirit is in the world today," he told us, "and you see that in the form of lawlessness and rebellion to authority."  

At this point, I couldn't help but wonder if Jackie and others who had been a part of Kaylee's prayer service now believed that it had been an "atmosphere of rebellion."  After all, although the pastor had given us permission that day to have it, he had been angry about it afterwards. I couldn't say for certain, but it would stand to reason that this might be why they were treating me the way they were and now speaking negatively about Kaylee's prayer service. It seemed unthinkable, but nothing surprised me anymore concerning all of this.  ...Surely they don't believe Kaylee's healing was a sign and wonder of Satan? I thought.

He continued on with his second point. 

2. Rebellion against God's direct or delegated human authority is a serious sin with serious consequences."

From here, he began to talk about the account of when God rejected Saul from being king because of his direct disobedience and rebellion to His instructions.  (I Samuel 15)  

"For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry. Because you have rejected the word of the Lord, He has rejected you from being king." (I Samuel 15:23)

The pastor expounded: "Why, in God's eyes, is rebellion, to Him, like the sin of witchcraft?"  he asked us. 

I braced myself upon hearing the word witchcraft, remembering what Sally kept saying, over and over again, at one of the life-groups:  "Manipulation is as witchcraft." At the time, based on everything else that had been said to Erica, she had felt that Sally was trying to make a point to her about me. 

"Witchcraft is a different kind of religion," the pastor continued,  "Witchcraft is a religion without a deity. The witch is actually the deity.  It is a religion in which the person becomes the deity and the whole purpose of witchcraft is to manipulate people and things to get what you want."  

All of this was sounding very familiar.  It reminded me as well of the things that had been marked up about me in "The Bait of Satan" book.  ..Oh dear God, surely they don't really think I am a witch?  ...I began to feel sick at my stomach all over again as he continued.    

"Lotions, potions, and motions, is what witches use to get their desired result.  And so, they're manipulating the earth, they're manipulating people, they're manipulating the spiritual realm to get what they want."

Could it be possible that Sally had been right all along about the accusations against me? Is this what they think about me? I wondered. I knew that it had to be something very serious for Jackie to feel like she could tell people, during a prayer service, not to help Michelaine, in a time of great need, just because she was my friend.  It was honestly unreal!    

The pastor continued on with what he told us was "his version" of what God was saying here:  

"When I see you in rebellion to me, just like a witch, I am seeing someone who has become their own deity, manipulating things and people to get what you want.  There's not one difference in the world, when you're in rebellion to me, from you and what a witch is trying to do!" 

"Rebellion is just like the sin of witchcraft," he went on,  "God says, 'It is you trying to be your own God.'  And then he added,  "And stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry."

He continued, "Rebellion says, 'I ain't gonna do it.' Stubbornness says, 'I may go, but you're gonna have to explain it to me, and you're going to have to be nice to me, and I'm gonna have to agree. Selective obedience is rebellion and is as iniquity and you're going to pass it from generation to generation," he added. 

But wait a minute!  I felt confused at this point. Are we talking about direct rebellion to God or questioning a "delegated human authority"? I wondered. Surely he's not saying it is one in the same? I felt that he needed to clarify the difference here because Samuel was clearly talking, in these particular verses, about direct rebellion to God's instructions. There was clearly a difference in the two.   ...I mean, I hope I would never question God or tell God that He better "be nice to me" or that I would have to agree with Him before doing something He asked me to do.  I wouldn't break the law or go against the government officials either, UNLESS the law required me to go directly against God or His laws. So there is a distinct difference, at this point, that needed to be noted. Take the case of Daniel, for instance, or Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. 

The disciples were also faced with this, as well, having to choose whether to obey those in a position of "delegated human authority" or to obey God:

"Having brought the apostles, they made them appear before the Sanhedrin to be questioned by the high priest.  'We gave you strict orders not to teach in this name,' he said. 'Yet you have filled Jerusalem with your teachings and are determined to make us guilty of this man's blood."  Peter and the other disciples replied: 'We must obey God rather than men. '"   Acts 5:27-29

And what about spiritual leadership in a church?  I certainly believed in submission to authority, and would never rebel against my pastor or directly defy his position of leadership in the church.  I believed that it was a position that should be honored. But I wasn't going to just blindly follow any pastor or spiritual leader either. I might ask questions. I might need an explanation, clarification or understanding, depending on the circumstances or what I was being asked to do. I would need to agree, and a pastor would need to back it up with scripture if I didn't understand. Was that wrong? Did he not want us to think for ourselves or be Spirit-led?  This teaching, carried to the extreme, and without clarification, was how cults got started.

He continued on, "Why would God say that stubbornness is like idolatry?  Because idolatry is worshiping a false god.  Why does God say that? Well, here's the answer: Because the stubbornness is worship of our own opinion.   ...Submission to authority is not even an issue until there's a disagreement.  If you agree with authority, well that's great.  But what if they tell me something I don't want to do, that I don't understand, that doesn't agree with my opinion?  Stubbornness is the worship of my own opinion and I become contentious and I am a stubborn mule."    

Admittedly, it was hard for me to listen to any of this objectively when I knew what I was being accused of concerning Kaylee's prayer service. With words such as: rebellion, stubbornness, manipulation, witchcraft, and idolatry being thrown around so loosely, I was becoming very defensive. I felt a need to plead my case! I knew that I could be stubborn at times. I was not a person who was easily persuaded or moved when it came to my convictions, and even my opinion. Sometimes that could be a bad thing, and God was still working with me in this area.  Other times, however, this could be a good thing. When the doctors told me that Kaylee would be sick, and on medication for the remainder of her life, I hadn't just accepted that either. I turned to God for help! I knew that God knew more than the human "authorities" on the subject.  God had been able to lead me in the direction He needed for me to go because I do not blindly follow.  At this time, I'm not even sure my pastor had been supportive of what I was doing, although he would have never tried to tell me what to do. I had been faced with walking this one out alone. Even from my lowly position within the Body of Christ, I have the Holy Spirit living inside of me, and when it came down to it, I felt that this had been the real issue all along.  

As Kaylee's mother, I had prayed for her healing for more than 9 years.  I had specifically prayed and fasted (every Friday) for 7 months leading up to the day of her prayer service and healing. When God made a promise to me that she was going to be healed on my birthday, and confirmed it to me over and over again, I had chosen to stand firm in my position, not because I worshiped my own "opinion", but because I chose to believe God over man.  I was of the "opinion" that God's promise to me trumped the "opinion" of this pastor, who later admitted to me that he had not prayed or asked God what to do concerning Kaylee.  Was this pastor not accountable also to his authority?  

I had gone to this pastor personally, months before, seeking his guidance and wisdom, because I didn't want to walk this out alone.  On the day of our promised healing, I didn't go against this pastor's instructions.  I didn't ask anyone to have a prayer service for Kaylee!  I did not rebel against his authority in the church!  But I did stand up to him when he tried to tell me something contrary to what God had promised me (and had even confirmed to me again through the sermon preached by the main pastor the day before).  By standing firm, I was certain that I had blown any opportunity to have that prayer service in this church, but I knew that it didn't matter.  I had given that day over to God completely, and His plan for Kaylee's lifewas not going to be thwarted. I didn't have to manipulate anything. I was not so foolish as to believe that I could manipulate God into getting what I wanted! I had to have Him with me! 

But God did not require me to go against the pastor that day. Of course He would not have wanted it done that way.  For whatever reason, after I left the church that morning, the pastor gave them  permission to have that prayer service. Following this day, things had become completely distorted. From what I could gather, based on the things that had leaked back to me, because the pastor was angry afterwards and accused me of going around him, it had now been concluded that I must have manipulated everyone involved. According to this teaching that I was hearing, that would make me no better than a witch. Suddenly the last three years were all beginning to make sense.  

The pastor continued on with his description of a contentious woman or "stubborn mule".  

"I may get there, but you're gonna have to fight hard and you're gonna have to convince me, and drag me, and all these things. Stubbornness is as the sin of idolatry!"  

"Submission to authority means I am going to do what you say," he continued, "I'll make a righteous appeal, but I'm not gonna wear you out and you're not going to have to be a perfect authority figure for me to submit."

The pastor later went on to say that we all have a tendency to get prideful and arrogant when authority tells us to do something.  He said that if authority exist for no other reason, it exist to keep us humble.  He went on to reiterate that without the blessing of authority, God won't go with us.  "God doesn't work except through submission to authority," he said.  

It was at this point that our entire testimony was in question.  If God doesn't work except through submission to authority, and the pastor in authority on the day of the prayer service was now saying the service shouldn't have happened, Kaylee shouldn't be healed. God couldn't have been with us. So this was how Satan had managed to distort the truth about Kaylee's prayer service, build his case against me, and ultimately shut down our testimony. The worst part was that God was being robbed of His due glory concerning Kaylee's life, but they couldn't even see this.  How was I going to be able to move forward with the calling I felt on my life, share what God had done for Kaylee, and encourage other mothers to persistently fight for their children's recovery from disease as long as this dark cloud remained over our testimony?  

The pastor did go on to mention something that I felt was very relevant in this case against me. He told us that there are two "interpretive keys" to the Bible.  He told us that the first one is love.  

"Without love, the Bible can be a very dangerous book," he told us.  "A lot of people have used the Bible to hurt people."  

At this point, I couldn't have agreed more! This very teaching, on submission to authority, was one of the most dangerous teachings I had ever heard in my life, without love.  In fact, I recently heard a survivor of the Holocaust say that it was this very same teaching, from the Bible, that Adolf Hitler used to be able to murder more than 6 million Jews. Satan can twist and distort scripture for his purposes as well.  

I couldn't help but wonder how differently all of this would have turned out if love had been a factor in the end.  Sure, everyone was telling me that they loved me, and they probably even believed it. But this "We love you, but we're going to continue to talk about you in secret, we don't believe anything you say, we're not going to meet with you, and we have no desire to reconcile with you or have anything to do with you" version of "love" had become nothing more than a clanging cymbal in my ears. 

The pastor went on to say that the second interpretive key to the Bible is authority.  

"When you understand submission to authority, it unlocks the Bible and it accelerates your spiritual growth, but when you don't, you can stay immature for a very long time because it's an interpretive key. Submission to authority brings supernatural favor, blessing and protection from God."  

Again, this blog would go on and on if I covered every single point, but this was the jest of it.  One more thing I want to mention was this statement:

"You'll always have an advantage over your authority (by this I am assuming he meant spiritual gifts, etc).  God has given you these advantages to serve your authority, not to usurp them."

He closed with these verses about associating with those in rebellion to authority: 

"Do not be misled: 'Bad company corrupts good character'"  I Corinthians 15:33

I suppose that this was how they could justify having nothing more to do with me or my children. It was the most helpless feeling I had ever felt before in my life. How in the world had Satan managed to pull this off?

After the service, I headed quickly toward the back door.  I didn't want to see or talk to anyone.  I didn't know what my children were thinking, but as we were walking out, my son, Brady, who was 15 years old at the time, turned to me and said, "I didn't like that at all!  I felt like they were talking about you!"

I honestly couldn't believe he said it, but it was just further confirmation for me.  Without me saying a word to him about what I had been feeling throughout this sermon, he had picked up on it himself.  And he had picked up on a lot more than that:  "That reminded me of what they use to teach in the Roman Catholic church," he continued. He had just recently studied this in school.  Brady, who was always extremely laid back and easy going, who often made fun of us women for being too dramatic, and who rarely voiced his opinion, was angry!  He had watched his sister suffer for years with disease.  He had faithfully fasted for her healing, at the young age of 12, and been an active part of her prayer service.  He loved this church! In fact, he had been the main reason I had gone back on that day.  I had seen so much growth in him since we had started attending this church. He just couldn't understand any of it at all. As much as I hated what they were doing to me, it broke my heart even more to see how they were letting my son down.   

"There's just one very important thing that I see is missing in this," he told me later, "Humility." 

Now of course we still had no solid proof that this was the case against me, and I couldn't say for certain how deep all of this ran. Although the overwhelming evidence, based on everything I had heard, seemed to point in that direction, I couldn't say for certain how much the pastors were involved. Most of what I had gotten back to me had come from the women. I knew that I needed to be careful before jumping to conclusions. It was always a possibility that Satan might be trying to deceive me as well.  This is why on-going communication within the Body of Christ is so critical!  Satan was clearly at work in this situation, attempting to deceive us all, and his goal is always to keep us divided against one another.  I still needed to hear the accusations against me directly from the mouths of these pastors.   

I decided that I would attempt, one last time, to see if the pastors would arrange a meeting with everyone involved in this situation.  I wrote them a letter, letting them know that I was aware of the conversation that had taken place between Jackie and Cindy. I told them that I had attempted to meet with Jackie but that she would not meet with me. I explained that I was trying to handle this in a Biblical matter, in accordance to the teaching of Mathew 18:15-22. I pleaded with them one last time for a meeting!  I don't want a "band-aid" to be put over this situation, I need for it to be fully resolved and reconciled, I wrote.  If I am being accused of any wrongdoing in this church, I am asking that you show me the honor and respect of bringing these accusations to me. I explained to them, again, how this slanderous talk was damaging my reputation, my testimony, my witness, and negatively affecting the lives of my children.   

I send one copy to the local pastor and then sent a certified copy of the same letter to the main pastor in Birmingham.  Although I felt that God was with me and leading me to write this letter, from the moment I sent them out, I knew that I would never get a response.  I also knew that it was going to be okay.  I had done what I needed to do, and it was now in God's hands.  I never heard anything back from these pastors.

What God did for me next still gives me chills today when I think back on it.  The children and I had been attending Cornerstone Church, a Methodist church across town.  After hearing the sermon on delegated human authority, it took me a few weeks to recover and to want to attend a church service again.  For the next few weeks, I attended church only as a volunteer back in the children's department at Cornerstone. Amazingly, the very next time I got up the strength again to attend the church service with my children, the lead pastor of Cornerstone preached a sermon that touched on nearly every point of confusion I had from the previous sermon on church authority. He preached on the power of the tongue and the great responsibility that comes with being in a position of leadership and authority in the church.  He told us that, as our pastor, he is accountable to God and called to serve us with humility. As he stood up there talking that Sunday morning, suddenly everything "flipped". I realize that this is a bold statement I am about to make, but in that moment, this was exactly what it felt like. It was as though God was standing up there on that stage, as the pastor began to read to us out of the book of James, chapter 3.  I felt as though God's loving arms were wrapped tightly around me, and in this sermon, it sounded as though my accusers were now on trial...

Additional Quotes on church authority: 

"The authority by which the Christian leader leads is not power but love, not force but example, not coercion but reasoned persuasion.  Leaders have power, but power is safe only in the hands of those who humble themselves to serve."   - John Stott

"According to the Bible, a leader is first and foremost a servant.  His concern is not for himself; his concern is not to give orders, to boss other people around, to have his own way.  His concern is to meet the needs of others."  - Wayne Mack

"The fear of the Lord helps us recognize our accountability to God for the stewardship of leadership.  It motivates us to seek the Lord's wisdom and understanding in difficult situations. And it challenges us to give our all to the Lord by serving those we lead with love and humility."  - Paul Chappell

Our Story, Part Fifty-Four (Called To Peace)

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. 

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace."

Colossians 3:12-15 

As we walk through this life, we are going to face many trials.  Circumstances will inevitably come our way that may cause us to wonder at times whether God has forgotten us or whether, at any minute, He is going to sweep down and save us. This was where I found myself in the years following Kaylee's prayer service and healing.  I was certain that my rescue was coming, but after such a long time, it was disheartening to believe that I was so close, only to have it snatched away again. 

In what I believe was an answer to my prayers for help, God brought to light the things that had been going on for a very long time within the church where Kaylee's healing had taken place.  It happened right in the middle of the 21 day fast that I was participating in with this church. After I got over the initial shock of just how bad the secret talk against me really was, and the fact that it had taken place during a prayer service where I was present, it was a great relief to know that it hadn't been my imagination all this time, nor had it been "Satan filling your (my) head full of lies," as I had been told.  It was all very real.  

Yet when several days had gone by without my hearing anything about how the meeting with the pastor had gone, that sick feeling came over me once again. What was I going to do if they just left me here? How was I going to respond, after how blatant and obvious the talk against me had been, if they covered this up and acted as though nothing had happened?  Surely God hadn't brought all of this out into the open for me to be left here no better off than I was before?   

My mother, who had been feeling just as anxious and upset about the entire situation as I was, decided to come out and ask Michelaine about it herself one day when she dropped by their house to check on them.  She later described this moment to me this way: "You know that sick feeling you get when you realize that someone has gone over to the 'other side'?  That was what I felt."

Michelaine's perspective had completely changed!  

Michelaine told her that the meeting had gone well and that Jackie was "coming around" and seemed to have had a change of heart concerning her and Mason.  She was no longer going to attempt to stop their meals and everything was "back on track". She made no mention of me at all.  

Needless to say, my mother was very confused. We had both been told that the entire purpose of that meeting had been to let the pastor know about the "poison" that was being spread throughout the church about me.  After more than three years of the on-going talk against me in this church, and after I had gone to the pastor personally with my concerns and asked for a meeting so that this could be resolved, this had been our primary concern. Surely Michelaine knew this.

"But what about Laura?" my mother finally asked. "What are they going to do about her?"  

"Laura just really needs to put all of that behind her," Michelaine responded.  "She doesn't need to be so worried about what people think about her.  I don't care what people think about me." 

When my mother later told me about this conversation, it was a crushing blow.  Apparently nothing was going to be done at all, and someone had persuaded Michelaine that this was perfectly fine. This was why she hadn't called me. It was the same scenario that had taken place every other time I had attempted to get help. This was where it always ended up.  It didn't matter what they continued to do or say about me; I was expected to continue to put it behind me and go on. I was expected not to care. But I did care! How could anyone honestly say that they would feel any differently if they were in my shoes?  Furthermore, this had grown far beyond what people thought about me. They were spreading their "thoughts" around the church! They were destroying my reputation and my testimony. They were hindering the calling I felt God had on my life with their tongues.  How could they justify leaving me here?   
Eventually Michelaine did tell me a little about what she was told had happened in that meeting. Although I may never know for certain, according to her, the pastor did acknowledge that Jackie had done wrong to openly speak against me. However, he didn't seem concerned with the damage it had caused me or with making things right with me. Instead, he asked Cindy and her husband not to talk about what had happened with anyone else in the church. He told them that if they went around talking about what Jackie had done to me, they would essentially be doing the same thing to her that had been done to me.  

As far as I was concerned, this response could only mean one thing. It was exactly what I had suspected. Whatever it was that was being spread about me in this church, the pastor must now believe to be true.  Otherwise, how would it be the same thing?  Jackie was guilty of openly speaking against me. I still didn't know what I was being accused of in secret.  Although I didn't think what Jackie had done to me needed to be spread around the church either, this had already been done to me. 

Even if I had manipulated everyone to pray for my sick child, which was a judgment of my motives that I would never be able to disprove, why was it okay for them to continue to hold this against me for years?  Yet I was the one constantly being accused of being bitter and unforgiving?  It made no sense at all.  It wasn't that I felt I had handled every situation perfectly, but I had made every attempt to reconcile with my accusers. I had apologized for everything I felt I had done wrong. I had forgiven the wrongs I felt had been done to me, and continued to attend the church and work toward peace.  When it became evident that they were still holding a grudge against me, I had asked for a meeting with everyone involved to try to reconcile the situation.  What more could I do to try and resolve this?  Their continual treatment of me went against every sermon I had ever heard preached in this church on the subject of love for one another.    

What it boiled down to was this: If they saw me as a valid member of the Body of Christ, knowing that I wanted to reconcile the situation, there was no excuse for their unwillingness to resolve this.  It
didn't make sense that they could continue to justify leaving me in the dark about their case against me. I had been completely upfront with the pastor.  I had pleaded with him to help me!

Now that God had brought everything out in the open for me, and now that I knew for certain that their case against me involved Kaylee's prayer service, at least they could no longer tell me this was all in my head.  But my problem still remained. Because my testimony was so heavily linked to this church, if I continued to share what God had done for Kaylee through that prayer service, they would likely dispute it. They might say that I manipulated people, which would further damage my witness and ultimately shut down my testimony.  

As I saw it, I only had two options left.  I wasn't willing to let them shut down my testimony.  I wasn't going to let Satan win that easily. I could leave things broken and share my testimony as it was. I could walk away and tell people how I had been treated in this church, or I could make one final attempt to handle this in a Biblical manner and work toward peace.   

The choice seemed obvious.  I just couldn't believe that God would want me to leave the situation broken.  I still believed in this church and in the heart of these people. We were ALL members of the same Body, whether they believed I was part of it or not.  Our testimony was about much more than just a physical healing.  It was about the strength and power of a UNITED Body of Christ!  I needed to do everything I could to keep this from ending in division!

After spending more than two weeks in prayer about how I needed to approach this, I decided that the first step I needed to take (according to Mathew 18:15-17) was to ask for a meeting with Jackie. Although I knew that there were many other hands involved in the on-going controversy, Jackie had been the one who had just spoken against me and against our prayer service. I needed to find out, directly from her, if all of this was true, and if so, why she had tried to stop people from helping Michelaine just because she was my friend. 

"Jackie" is still my friend on Facebook, so I was able to go back and find our conversation that took place on February 18th, 2012.  (Names have been changed) 

(Jackie), I need to talk with you about the things you said to (Cindy) about me. I have given it some time to see if you would approach me first. I need for this situation to be resolved and reconciled for good. Is there a time we could meet.....you and I?

Laura, I'm not sure what you are talking about? What did (Cindy) say to you about me? You name it!? I can meet you whenever.

We can discuss it when we meet. I can meet anytime tomorrow, or next week (my house or yours or anywhere). The sooner the better for me. I would like it to be the two of us, but if you are going to have someone else with you, just please let me know so I can bring someone with me. My goal is, and always has been, for truth and righteousness to reign in this, and for reconciliation and restoration. ....just let me know


The following day I received this message back from her: 

Laura, after discussing this with (her husband) and thinking about what you want to talk to me about, we think it best not to meet with you. I pray that God will give you the restoration and reconciliation you want and need to live your life in freedom and love! Truth and righteousness has always reigned and I bless you with more and more in yours and your family's life. Love you.

I was on my way out the door to church when I received this message from Jackie.  It was an extremely frustrating and vicious cycle, but I didn't want to spend too much time worrying over it. I had followed God's instructions, and as far as Jackie was concerned, I would have to leave the rest to Him. I decided that I would get back in prayer to see what my next step needed to be. Strangely, I was feeling incredibly strong that morning, after spending so much time in prayer, and at my children's request, had even decided to go back and visit the church where Kaylee's healing had taken place. I didn't even care if I saw Jackie and her husband.  

When we sat down in church that morning (in my old spot in the back of the church) I looked down at the paper I had been handed when I walked in.  On this sheet was an outline of what the sermon would be on that morning.  As I looked over it, that sick feeling came back over me again. I began to feel extremely weak. I didn't want to be there.  I considered getting up to leave, but how could I make it so obvious?  What would I say to my children?  

As we began to worship, a calming peace and strength began to come over me again.  This was certainly not the sermon I was hoping to hear on that day, and I knew it would be extremely hard for me to sit through it. But I also knew it was no accident that I was there.  In my spirit, I began to sense that God had something important that He needed to show me.  Perhaps this was an answer to my prayers for help?  I looked down at the sheet again, and suddenly it occurred to me: This is their case against me!