Our Story, Part Seven (The Darkness begins...)

“Even the darkness will not be dark to you;

The night will shine like day,

For darkness is as light to you.”

Psalms 139:12

I have often heard pastors and teachers say that when you have had a “mountaintop” experience with God, it is often followed by a “valley.”  I am not sure why it seems to happen this way, but my best guess is that Satan feels threatened whenever anyone experiences the goodness of God.  He doesn’t want our faith to remain at that level, and he certainly doesn’t want the good news spread to others who might benefit from it.  Our walk with God can be very much like a spiritual “war”.  Every victory, no matter how big or small, brings about “backfire” from the enemy.  He seems to know right where to aim his fiery arrows, targeting those “holes” in our armor (the weak spots). He is an expert in knowing exactly where these weak points are because he was the one behind putting them there in the first place!  My faith was so high, following all of this with Kaylee, that I truly felt like there was nothing I couldn’t handle from the enemy.  I was very wrong.

Almost at the exact time that Kaylee had made a turn-around in her health, we experienced the first of what would be many job losses.  Obviously, there were so many things about the timing of this that were absolutely horrible.  Because we had spent most of the early part of our marriage with either one or the other of us in school, there had not been time to put money back or save for any type of crisis.  In fact, my husband had just recently finished graduate school, and we were both still in the process of trying to pay back our student loans.  Not only that, we were now spending an enormous amount of money on Kaylee’s care.  We had already been struggling from the point we had begun this diet for her, and I did not see how we were going to be able to continue to do what we were doing.

To make matters worse, we also lost our health insurance at the same time.  This put Kaylee in a very vulnerable place.  She was doing great, but if we backed off of what we were doing at all, we knew that she could go down quickly.  We had no choice but to continue on the strict and expensive regimen we were doing for Kaylee.  Also, because Kaylee’s care required so much of my time, it was not an option for me to go back to work to help supplement our income during this crisis.  I had to continue to make her health my first priority!  

We were also in another crisis of sorts at this time, concerning our house.  A few weeks after we had moved in, we found out that it had been run in the newspaper that our street was in the pathway of the new plans to extend interstate 459.  Because we were moving from out of town, we did not realize this.  This meant it was going to be extremely hard for us to sell our house if we needed to.  In fact, when we had realized how expensive it was going to be to care for Kaylee, we had already attempted to try and start selling our house.   I knew it would be wrong of me to hide the information about the interstate plans from anyone interested in the house (even though this had been done to us).  Therefore, we were pretty certain that it was going to be extremely hard to get out from under it.

There was a long story behind why I had picked this particular house in the first place.  I was expecting my 5^th child, and we were being transferred from Auburn to Birmingham for a new job.  I had 5 houses picked out that I loved in Trussville, but by the time our house in Auburn sold, all of those houses were sold.  I was very discouraged, and did not like any of the houses that were left in our price range. Because I was about to have a baby, I did not want to move into a rental and have to move twice.  When I was on the phone with a friend of mine, she told me that I needed to consider houses in her area (Clay).  Although Clay was close to Trussville, it seemed so much further out and less convinient.  I honestly had no desire to live there, but I wondered if God might possibly be calling me there.  You see, my friend’s husband had just recently been shot and killed by an intruder in their church where he had been the music minister.  She had been left alone to care for four small children, ages 7, 3, 2 and 6mos (at the time).   

My heart had been so heavy for her since this had happened, and I felt strongly that God had called me to help her in the months that followed.  My children and I had made many trips back and forth from Clay to Auburn earlier in the year.  I began to wonder if perhaps God needed me to be closer to her.  The next day after I talked with her, I asked my realtor to show me some houses in that area.   It just so happened that there was a perfect house for sale very close to her house.  Because the first 5 houses we wanted had sold so quickly, we were afraid to waste any time.  We quickly signed a contract, without putting much prayer into this decision.

While I do know without a doubt that God called me to reach out to my friend and to help her in the months following her husband’s death, I now believe that Satan may have used my emotions at that time to deceive me into buying this particular house.  I can’t say for certain, but this house would continue to be a “thorn in my side” for quite some time!  Even so, I will always know that my motive in looking in this area was out of love for my friend.  Brian (her husband) was such a wonderful man and so dear to my heart (and everyone who knew him).  We all wanted to make sure his family was taken care of for him and for God.  It had been a very evil act that had taken his life way too soon!  We have to remember, at times like this, that we are all God has as a physical presence to help our brothers and sisters in their time of need.  If I was deceived into buying this home, I know God will make it all up to me one day.

Although my faith was at an all-time high following all of this with Kaylee, Satan had targeted my greatest weakness by coming after my finances. In fact, when it came to finances, I had fears like none other.  My childhood had been plagued with financial hardship, and this was the exact point where my deepest wounds (or holes in my “armor”) were.  This was the area that I had worked so hard to keep under control, and suddenly I had no control at all.   All I could do was to wait and pray for something to "break" quickly.  Yet, as days turned into weeks and weeks into months with no job in sight, it just got harder and harder to continue to hold on.  Every paycheck we missed put us deeper in the “hole,” and unemployment checks were not even 10% of what we had been making.  We knew nothing to do but to resort to paying our mortgage and other expenses with credit cards.   I knew this wasn’t good either, but I didn’t know what else to do.  I was absolutely terrified of where we were heading, and we were heading there fast! 

There were a couple of instances during this time, when I believe God was preparing me that I was about to enter into a very long, dark time in my life.  The first time came through a dream.  In this dream, I was standing on the edge of a cliff.  I couldn’t see God, yet I felt His presence and somehow knew that He was beside me.  He never said a word, but He reached out His hand for me to take ahold of it.  I started to put my hand in His, but suddenly realized how high up we were, and I became afraid.  I turned to look for something to hold on to, like a tree or branch, in case He decided to just take my hand and force me to go.  He did not do this, yet His hand remained there before me.  I finally began to understand that this was GOD, and that I couldn’t continue to hold on and not go with Him if He wanted me to.  So I reached my hand out and put it into His, and we began to fly.  It felt like my heart dropped quickly into the pit of my stomach as we left the cliff, yet once I realized I was safe, I began to take in the beautiful scenery and enjoy that God was showing me His beautiful creation! 

But then all at once, we began to head downward, and we entered into a dark cave.  I remember that I hated the cave, and somehow I sensed that this cave represented the hard times in my life.  The cave was so dark that I could not see anything at all, yet I felt God’s hand gripping tight to mine and pulling me through it. 

At first I was so focused on the darkness and the claustrophobic feeling of this cave, but suddenly I began to sense that there was a beautiful light at the end of this cave.  It was so magnificent and glorious in fact that my heart began to pound with excitement, and I no longer cared about the darkness of the cave.  I just wanted to get to the light!  ……then I woke up.  I tried to fall back asleep so I could finish the dream!  It felt so real, and it was a terrible feeling of disappointment not to be able to make it to the light! 

I have thought about this dream often, and there were times when remembering this dream was what carried me through and gave me hope.  It was because of this dream that I always knew that God’s hand was holding mine throughout every dark moment that was to come.  I had no idea just how dark it was going to get or how long this cave would be.  I am honestly glad that I did not know at the time!

My second preparation/warning came in a very different way.  I had fallen asleep one night with anger in my heart toward someone who had been very insensitive to what we were going through.  God clearly warns us: “In your anger do not sin.  Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”   Ephesians 4: 26&27   I believe that this passage of scripture definitely applied to what happened to me this night.  I woke up around 3am overcome with fear!  It was as if Satan was right there next to my bed, whispering these words in my ear:  There is bankruptcy all in your family, and you will go bankrupt too!  There is nothing you can do about it!  You bought the wrong house!  Your house will never sell, and you are going to lose everything…. 

I was so terrified that I woke my husband up to tell him what was going to happen!  I truly believed every word, and I could not stop crying. 

The next morning my sister-in-law, Kelly, called and told me that God had given her a scripture for me.  She went on to explain to me how she had hesitated to call me because she felt that this scripture might come across as insensitive.  Yet she told me that God would not let it go until she called me.  She went on to read it to me (I have highlighted the words that stood out to me most):

Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;

You have made my lot secure.

The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;

Surely I have a delightful inheritance.

Psalms 16: 5&6

As I hung up the phone I felt such comfort in knowing that, although I had most likely brought this “attack” on myself, God had great compassion toward me at that moment!   He had given my sister-in-law (who had no idea what was going on) the exact words of assurance that I needed. 

As I was praying and expressing my gratitude to God for sending me this comfort, I suddenly felt Him speak these words to my heart:  The cattle on a thousand hills belong to Me. You are My child. You have nothing to be afraid of.   

I began to think about this and about that fact that God was my Heavenly Father.  It didn’t matter about the insecurities of my family or my past; my ultimate inheritance would come through Him!  Suddenly, the fear began to fade.  …..After this, I felt Him speak these words to me:  Are you willing to go through whatever I need you to go through for My glory?

I sat there for a minute thinking about all that God had just done for me and for Kaylee.  God had truly been so good to us, and I was overcome with gratitude! 

“Yes God!  I will do anything that you need for me to do!”  I said. 

Then these words followed:  Even if you lose everything, I have the power to restore it all!

After this time of prayer, I felt that reassuring peace transcend me again (at least for that moment).  God had not promised to remove my circumstances or even promised me that the things I feared would not come to be.  He was simply reassuring me that I would be secure, and that it would always be under His control and within His boundaries.  He was also assuring me that I had a delightful inheritance that was not dependent on my financial circumstances.  My inheritance would come through Him!

 

     

Our Story, Part Six (The Body of Christ)

It is difficult for me to move forward into the next part of our story because, unfortunately, it has not always been a smooth "ride" as far as my experiences in the church.  As I continue to share our story, I want to make sure it is understood that my goal is to bring unity and build up the Body of Christ, not to be critical of any one person, church or denomination.  I believe that God is calling me to share my story just as it happened (without mentioning specific names).  I was not able to "write" the ending to our story, and I most definitely wouldn't have written it the way it went.  Yet, I know that God has a perfect plan to work it all for good in His time and often times the good comes through a story being told.  

Because God had made everything that He wanted me to do for Kaylee so clear and evident, I assumed that those within my church would believe me and be supportive.  I was so excited to tell people the miraculous way that God was leading me, yet it was not well received by many.  Looking back, I can see that I was very naive at the time.  I did not understand that even if God clearly leads you to do something, it will still be heavily scrutinized within the church.  I even heard it was said by someone that I had turned to “New Age” practices.  I had not changed my personal beliefs at all!  I was simply following the leading of God.  It was very discouraging to me when I realized that I was going to have to walk this out on my own.  I desperately felt that I needed the support and prayers of those within my church.  Even after Kaylee had made a full recovery, I wasn't given an opportunity to share our testimony in church.   

Growing up, I had experienced a variety of denominations and churches.  I had been exposed to Baptist, Presbyterian, and even Assembly of God and Pentecostal churches.  Although I was in a wonderful Baptist church at the time Kaylee became sick, I was not set on following any one particular religious viewpoint on the subject of healing and disease.  I believe that this turned out to be to my advantage.  I was very open to anything God needed to show me.  I didn't believe (and still don’t) that any one denomination has ALL the answers.  I feel that, as Christians, we all have our own unique strengths and gifts. I believe that we can all benefit from one another’s experiences if we are open.  This is the way God designed it, so that we would function as a Body.  Unfortunately, the pride of man often times makes it difficult for things to work the way that God intended.    

Although I was being influenced in many different directions; I didn't put my trust in any one pastor, church, teaching, theology or denominational doctrine.  I put my trust in God alone.  I am truly grateful for each one of my experiences growing up.  I was able to apply everything I had seen (both good and bad) and use it to my advantage during this time. 

Prior to Kaylee becoming sick, I did not really have a strong opinion on the subject of healing one way or the other.  I believed, as many do, that God does still heal occasionally, but it is not really something we should expect or necessarily even ask for.  What I found during this time was that many within my Baptist church seemed to have the mindset that, because God is sovereign, we should accept anything that comes our way with a good attitude, knowing that God will give us the grace to walk through it.  When it comes to faithfulness and willingness to truly lay down their lives for God, I have to acknowledge that there are none quite like the Baptist!  Yet I am afraid that this mindset is where many in the church tend to get stuck.  While there may be difficult times in life when God’s grace is sufficient, I don’t believe this applies to debilitating, degenerative, chronic disease.  

I often hear references made to Paul’s “thorn.”

And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure. For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong." (2 Cor. 12:7-10)

Paul endured great hardships during the time he set out to do God’s work.  He mentions imprisonment, shipwrecks, being stoned, and going without food, water and clothing.  I find it hard to believe that he was doing all of this while inflicted with debilitating disease.  I am afraid that Satan has twisted and misused this passage of Scripture to deceive people into not praying for healing.  If it were not for the advancements in modern medicine, most of these diseases would have already led to death.  Many will ultimately die from complications associated with these diseases.  I simply do not believe that Paul’s thorn was endangering his life or shutting him down as these diseases are doing to so many around us. 

I have also known people who will pray for a cure for disease, yet not pray for a healing.  While a cure would be wonderful, it seems to me that by only praying this way, they are limiting God to the understanding of man.  It is interesting to me that other countries, such as South Africa, with less advanced health care systems, seem to experience more miraculous healings than we do here in America. With this limiting viewpoint, I don’t see how they will ever receive more than that. 

When I found myself in this desperate place, my hope came through what I had been taught at a very young age in the Pentecostal and Assembly of God churches.  As a child, I had experienced God in these churches in a very powerful way.  They had been the ones to teach me that I could have a more intimate relationship and walk with God.  They taught me at a very young age that God could speak to me if I listened closely and lead me (through the Holy Spirit who lived in me.)  When I was a child, this seemed so easy to do.  I talked to God all the time.  Yet, as an adult, I began to question myself and the child-like faith I once had began to fade.  Also, my own impure motives or worldly desires made it more difficult to distinguish God’s voice from my own.  Even so, it was this foundation that I turned to at my point of desperation.

As a young adult, I had moved back to the Baptist church.  At this point, people began to tell me that God only speaks to us through the Bible.  While I have grown to love and cherish every word within this amazing book more and more through the years and I do believe it is the infallible, written word of God; there were no guidelines or instructions for the treatment of Crohn’s disease anywhere in it.  I never could have made it through this time had I not learned that God could speak to me and lead me through the Holy Spirit.  Thankfully, people such as Beth Moore have helped to narrow the gap between the Baptist and the Pentecostals in many areas, including this.  Even so, it has been my experience that the Pentecostal and Assembly of God churches, as a whole, are still more open to prayer for healing.  

Through the years, there have been some pastors who have distorted the truth and misled large groups of people.  There are also cults and false teachings that we should clearly have nothing to do with.  Yet, I don’t believe that we should look down on other Christians or denominations because their doctrine or beliefs are slightly different than our own.  Again, not one denomination is perfect.   Every church has its weaknesses and flaws.  If we put our complete trust in any one pastor, church or denomination, we are certain to be disappointed.  In the end, the only thing we can rely on completely is that we serve a perfect God who deeply cares about our suffering!

What I find to be most disheartening is the way that we are critical of one another throughout the various denominations and how we openly speak against other Believers in the Body.  I believe that this weakens the overall condition of the Body of Christ in many ways.  I wish that more people were able to have the invaluable experiences that I had growing up, and to see that there are wonderful Christians in every denomination. 

Throughout my life, I have come to see that one of the most critical attributes we need if we are ever going to receive from God is humility.  Once we start to believe that we have all of the answers, we cut ourselves off and are no longer able to grow.  When we look down on other denominations or discount anyone’s personal experiences with God, we miss out on great blessings that can enrich and deepen our own walk.  God intended for us to function as a body and to need each and every member.  In fact, God was about to show me that some of the most invaluable lessons will only come through those who appear to be the very weakest among us. 

It was easy for me to believe for a healing through a healthy diet, but God was about to show me that He could do so much more than I ever dreamed possible.  He was about to show me the power of a united Body of Believers! (Baptist, Methodist, Pentecostal, Catholic, Episcopal etc…and the very least of these)

We are the Body of Christ and not one of us is dispensable….

The Body of Christ

 The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ.  For we were all baptized by one Spirit into one body--whether Jews or Greeks, slave or free--and we were all given the one Spirit to drink.   Now the body is not made up of one part but of many.  If the foot should say, "Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body.  And if the ear should say, "Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body.  If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be?  But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be.  If they were all one part, where would the body be?  As it is, there are many parts, but one body.  The eye cannot say to the hand, "I don't need you!" And the head cannot say to the feet, "I don't need you!"  On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment.  But God has combined the members of the body and has given greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.  Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.

I Corinthians 12:12-27

Our Story, Part Five

Watching all of this transpire with Kaylee taught me some very important life lessons.  If eating a healthy diet can turn disease around so quickly, why was I ever struggling with the belief that chronic disease might be a part of God’s plan for Kaylee’s life?  People were telling me everything happens for a reason, and that I needed to trust God.  I wonder if it has ever occurred to these people that this reason might actually be a result or consequence of our choices and of living in a fallen world, not God’s will at all.  When we choose to trust God, it does not mean that we have to accept everything that comes our way as being part of His plan for our lives.

If someone were to go throw themself off a bridge and fall to their death, would anyone say that it was God’s will for that person to die?  Of course not!  This death would be contributed to two factors, the free will of man and the law of gravity.  There are many things that come into our lives as a result of free will and laws that have been put into place by God.  In addition to this, we have an enemy!  Yes, God is sovereign over all.  Yet His sovereignty begins with the laws (both physical and spiritual) and the order, which He has set into place.  We have got to be open to the fact that we will never be able to fully comprehend these things.  This is why it is essential that we rely on God's instructions in the Bible, as well as the leading of the Holy Spirit, not our own understanding. 

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart; and lean not to your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.”  Proverbs 3:5-6

It is really a skewed way of thinking to attribute anything that is clearly evil to God or His will.  I personally believe that this is a tactic of the enemy, to keep us from necessary lifestyle changes and from praying effectively against the schemes of the enemy.  God’s word warns us:  ^“Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil” Ephesians 5:15&16   We cannot forget that we have an enemy who is always at work and striving to thwart the perfect plan that God has for our lives. 

As we began this diet with Kaylee, God had made it very clear to me what I needed to do.  I was to follow the direction of Dr. Robbins, but let God guide me.  In other words, Dr. Robbins would point me in the direction that I needed to go, but God would guide me throughout each day.  This was a very important distinction, as there were some things that God would lead me to do differently than what Dr. Robbins was telling me.  For one thing, we allowed Kaylee to have a once a week “cheat.”  Also, Dr. Robbins was in a position where he could not recommend that I take Kaylee off of her medication, yet I already knew that God had warned me of the potential danger over time.  Therefore, I had to let God lead me, and this was one of the most challenging areas for me.  I would have much preferred to be working directly with her doctor, but at this time, it just wasn’t possible.  These doctors did not want to talk nutrition or diet at all.

Weaning her off of her medication completely was a slow process, and required extensive prayer.  I had no idea what was going on inside of Kaylee’s body, so I had to rely on the fact that God did.  I vividly remember when God led me to take her off of her last dose of medication.  I was reading an article about Jordan Rubin, a man who had been diagnosed with Crohn’s disease a few years prior to Kaylee.  Jordan Rubin was able to turn his severe case of Crohn’s disease around with the use of hso (homeostatic soil organisms) probiotics.  He would later go on to become one of the leading natural health experts, as well as the author of the book, “The Makers Diet.”   As I was reading his amazing story, I suddenly had a strong feeling that it was time for Kaylee to come completely off of her medication.  I sat there for a minute after this “feeling” came over me, trying to decide if this was coming from God or if I had imagined it.  I kept on reading and the feeling just seemed to get stronger and stronger.  I decided that I would spend the next day in prayer about it.

When the next day rolled around, however, I continued to feel so strongly that I decided not to give Kaylee her medicine that morning.  I called her into my bedroom and talked to her about it.  I explained that I was taking her “crutches” away and that now she was going to see what she could do on her own.  I let her know how important it was that she tell me if she had any symptoms return at all.  I felt such strength, yet I was terrified at the same time.  I prayed all throughout that day.

The next morning, as we were getting ready for church, Kaylee suddenly ran to the bathroom and started vomiting.  I panicked, believing that I had made a big mistake, and immediately went to get her medicine.  I mixed it up and was about to put it into her mouth, when I heard, “No!”  It wasn’t audible, yet it was so clear that I stopped the spoon right as it was about to enter her mouth.  I stood there for a minute not knowing what to do.  Finally, I put the spoon down, and we left for church.  I remember praying on the way to church and the entire time I was at church.   

I waited to see how she would do the rest of the day, and she did not have another problem.  The next day, when I went downstairs to clean her bathroom, I noticed that it appeared someone had been vomiting in her toilet for quite some time.  I could see evidence around the sides and underneath the toilet.  I called Kaylee down, and questioned her about it.  She then confessed to me that she had been vomiting for a couple of days (prior to my stopping her medication), and that she had been afraid that she was getting sick again.  Naturally, I had a long talk with her about being honest and letting me know everything that was going on.

I put in a phone call to Dr. Robbins as quickly as I could and told him what had been going on.  He explained to me that when medication is no longer needed for inflammation, the body will often begin to reject it and that this could have been why Kaylee had begun vomiting in the first place.  I was amazed that God had been able to let me know to stop the medication as He did.  Kaylee had obviously been struggling with this in secret, and He knew exactly why.  Kaylee did not vomit again after that Sunday morning, and had no more symptoms of any kind.  This is just one example of the amazing ways God led me throughout.

In addition to following the direction of Dr. Robbins and God’s guidance, God also convicted me that I needed to be careful not to openly display anger in front of Kaylee anymore.  This had always been a weak area for me.  Whenever I was mad, I was not good at hiding it.  There had been numerous occasions where I had “lost my cool” in front of her, and God let me know that this too had contributed to her decline.  As hard as it was for me to accept this, I cannot share my story without being completely honest on every level.  It is very painful and humbling to realize that you have been a contributor in any way to your child becoming sick.  All I can do today is praise God for revealing this to me and for giving me many chances to get it right!

Finally, God let me know that I needed to pray every night and ask for Kaylee’s healing.  As I mentioned earlier, my children and I would gather at night and pray.  If we got busy and forgot, I would call her in my room and pray with her.  Some nights I would go and pray over her while she slept.  I made sure to never miss a night.

Now I want to fast forward just a bit, because I truly believe that this is the most significant part of our story.  I believe that if we had stuck with this diet, Kaylee might never have had another problem.  Yet, many things happened that would make it impossible for us to continue this diet to the extreme level that we had started out with.  Although there was a long period of remission following this diet (more than four years), this disease would eventually come back on her in full force when she entered into puberty. 

At this point, Kaylee told me, “I want God to heal me.”  The details of this part of our story are long, and I will talk about it in more depth later.  Kaylee would end up receiving her complete healing during a very special prayer service that God put together for her, on my birthday, August 18th.  During this service, a young college student (whom I had never met) stood up and said, “It is no accident that God chose this day to bring about this healing.  In Luke, chapter 18, Jesus tells us the story of the persistent widow.  God has heard every prayer that you have lifted up to Him for all of these years!” 

I can’t describe the feeling that I had when I heard this.  This precious young woman had no way of knowing the number of prayers I had lifted up or if I had ever prayed at all for that matter!  God was speaking to me through her, and I know that not one of my prayers was insignificant.  

I don’t know why it takes so long sometimes to see our prayers answered.  I don’t pretend to understand the higher ways of God, nor do I understand the continual warfare surrounding our lives.  Yet I believe with all of my heart that it was my persistent prayers that played the most significant role in Kaylee’s healing.  I also know that I was being persuaded in the beginning that I shouldn’t even ask God to heal her.  How is it that so many in the church have come to believe this lie? 

Perhaps because we have prayed and not seen immediate results, this way of thinking has become an easier, more comfortable place, to "settle" …that is... if you are not the one who is sick.  Naturally, the most serious consequences of this lie fall upon those who are sick; those who are quietly suffering and believing that it is wrong for them to even seek prayer for healing.  It is an enormous burden, not only to suffer quietly, but to carry the pressure of believing one must suffer joyfully.  Even in the final hours before Kaylee’s healing, Satan would try to use this lie one last time to stop this prayer service.  Thankfully, our fasting (which I will talk about later) and prayers had already paved the way and this day belonged to God!

Our Story, Part Four

After hearing Kaylee recite Psalms 139:9&10, I did not doubt again which direction God wanted me to take.  God knew that I needed a huge confirmation in order to be able to do what I was about to do, and He delivered!  I am still amazed by it to this day.

I later found out that Kaylee had been given several verses to memorize throughout the week of VBS (all from Psalms 139), yet this was the verse that she had decided to put to memory.  It was the very one that I needed at the exact moment she gave it to me!  When I later asked her why she had chosen that particular verse and how she had been able to memorize it; she replied quite simply, “Because they told me I would get candy.”  This was certainly not the profound answer I was expecting to hear, yet I learned something about my sweet Kaylee this day.  Kaylee can do whatever she sets her mind to do whenever she is ready!

Dr. Robbins was able to help me all the way from Oklahoma through phone consultations, without ever seeing Kaylee himself.  Urine analysis and blood work can be done through the mail in order to determine specific food allergies and other digestive issues.  However, with Kaylee we simply started with the standard treatment he recommended for all his patients with Crohn’s disease. 

I was told to start with flax oil (for Omega) and probiotics several times a day, as well as digestive enzymes with every meal.  Also, I was told to try to get as many raw fruits and vegetables in Kaylee as possible!  Variety was the key, as every fruit and vegetable has something unique and specific the body needs.  Organic was recommended, but I was told that it was not completely necessary.  Because of the large amounts I knew she would be taking in, I decided to go with organic as much as possible.

I found out that the reason the nutritionist at Children’s Hospital had told us to remove raw fruits and vegetables from Kaylee’s diet was because people with Crohn’s disease cannot easily digest them, and they can be particularly hard on their bodies. By juicing them, however, it allows them to be more easily digested and utilized by the body.  In addition to this, juicing would allow Kaylee to get so much more of the nutritional benefits as well as the enzymes to replenish her body quicker.  My dad gave me a juicer, and I began juicing several times throughout the day.  I juiced carrots, spinach, celery, apples, pineapple, grapes, beets, oranges, and even cabbage.  She averaged around 33 ounces of fresh juice per day.  

Every time Kaylee drank a glass, I felt like I was fueling her up with God’s healing power!  Every night my children and I would gather to pray.  We would ask God to take everything that was being put into her body and use it to bring about her healing. 

Although, some of the juices were good, some were quite challenging to get down her.  Even so, I was told that because of her age, she should be able to turn the corner quickly and that this extreme diet did not have to be permanent.  Dr. Robbins later told me that it would most likely take around a year.

Because I had been told that these diseases were genetically linked, and because I did not want Kaylee to feel alone, I started all of my children juicing.  Along with this, I also started them on Aim Barley Green, which turned out to be one of the most amazing boosts to the overall health of my children.  My one-year-old, for example, had struggled with colds and was constantly coming down with croup.  I can honestly say that during this time of juicing (and for several years to follow) he never even had a runny nose! 

Getting the good stuff in was not the hardest part for us.  It was the food we had to temporarily eliminate that made it so hard.  I was told that she needed to come off of both wheat and dairy for this time.  This was so much more difficult than I could have ever imagined.  I never knew how much food contained wheat!  I can remember walking through the grocery store in tears in the beginning. 

Kaylee’s love of food made everything even more difficult in this area.  It was extremely hard to find foods that she could eat and enjoy.  As an adult, I felt like I could do anything for a period of time.  But this is so much more difficult with a child.  I remember a time that she had to go to a birthday party with a giant bowl of fruit to eat, while the other children ate pizza and cake.  There were some very challenging days in the beginning.

I was truly seeking God with all of my heart during this time, and He continued to lead me, even in the small areas.  When I realized how hard this was going to be on Kaylee not to eat what she liked, I turned to God for help.  I felt that He gave me a peace in my heart that Kaylee could have a once a week “cheat” and eat whatever she wanted.  Dr. Robbins did not recommend this, but I felt strongly that God had it covered.  So this is what we did.  On Friday nights, she ate whatever she wanted.  She ate Mexican food, pizza, and even ice-cream if she wanted.  Even with this once a week “cheat” we still saw instant results.  It made it easier for her to get through the week, knowing that she had this to look forward to.   

Overall, this was truly an amazing time and the results far exceeded my expectations.  I had anticipated that Kaylee might get worse before she got better, but this was not the case at all.  Kaylee not only recovered, she felt better than she had ever felt in her life.  Not only did she improve in her health, her entire disposition changed.  She felt good, and she was full of joy! Contrary to what the doctors at Children’s had predicted; she did not get sick at all while on this diet, even when everyone else in the family did.  She suddenly seemed to be my healthiest child, and had more energy than my other children did.  She was like a different child!

I was able to immediately wean Kaylee off of steroids, and within only 6 months, off of all medication, with no problems at all.  She has never been on medication since!  Dr. Robbins did not recommend that I do this (I am sure this was because of liability).  I can truly say that it was God who led me every step of the way, and in the most amazing way. (I will give more specific details later) 

Within a year, Kaylee was completely recovered and no longer had to stick to this restrictive diet.  We were slowly able to add wheat and dairy back into her diet.  For the next four years, Kaylee did wonderfully.  During this time, I took Kaylee to another gastrointestinal doctor (at Saint Vincent’s) who had no explanation for how well Kaylee was doing.  He even told me that Kaylee had most likely been misdiagnosed.  Of course, he had no access to the very extensive test that had been run to determine this diagnosis, but it didn’t really matter.  We knew differently.

I praise God for leading me to this diet, and it was certainly our miracle at the time.   I do want to add, however, that I do not believe that this extreme diet is  necessarily God's answer for everyone or the only way healing can come.  God can heal in any way that He chooses to do so.  He does work through doctors and medication as well.  The important thing is to always seek guidance from the "Great Physician" and to never limit Him to only one avenue.  God is not limited to the understanding of man.

As wonderful as the results of this diet were, I understand that it can be costly to eat this way.  It is not something that everyone would be able to afford to do.  I do not believe that God is going to provide us with only one answer that everyone cannot afford.  Juicing, planning, shopping, and cleaning during this time consumed my entire life. It was a full time job! There are many mothers who would not have the time to put into it that I did.   

Although I have seen first hand that this diet works for the treatment of Crohn’s disease (and other diseases), and I strongly recommend improving our diets; I do not believe that God is limited to healing these auto-immune diseases only through diet either.  It is very easy to let a diet become an “idol” and to loose sight of the One who is ultimately bringing about the healing.  Throughout this time, I was often guilty of this myself.   

I want to spread the word about what worked for Kaylee, because I believe in it.  But more importantly, I want to stress again that disease is not something we need to ever accept, even when the medical profession cannot provide us with a cure!  If I had not gotten past this initial “stumbling block,” I am convinced we would still be struggling with disease to this day.

There are many years left for me to talk about, and much more to our story.  Kaylee’s complete and perfect healing would come later, through the power of prayer!  ….God still had much work to do in me to bring me to a place of belief. 

Our Story, Part Three

The seminar for Dr. Robbins was just ahead, and I am embarrassed to admit that I was still going back and forth about whether to go or not.  As many signs as God seemed to be giving me, I was still not convinced that this was going to be our answer.  I was struggling with a lot of doubt about everything.  Some nights I would lay there and think:  Am I just trying to convince myself this is God?  Am I really just in some kind of crazy denial?

In addition to this, I was struggling with whether or not I should even desire for Kaylee to be well again.  As crazy as that may sound now, at the time it was a very real battle.  I was very confused as to how I needed to view this disease.  After all, I was being told by some that God had a great plan to use this in Kaylee’s life.  I wondered if I wasn't just being stubborn and refusing to “bend the knee” to God’s will for Kaylee.

I remember one night during this time, I finally came to the conclusion that I needed to surrender my will to God’s once and for all.  That night I said a prayer that went something like this: God, if it is Your will for Kaylee to be sick, I will not fight it anymore.  But I need for You to give me a peace in my heart.  I need for You to help me accept it.  What happened next took me completely by surprise.  I felt something rise up inside of me.  It was like an amazing strength from deep within.  At the same moment, these words seemed to penetrate my heart: Don’t accept it.  Fight it!  It felt so clear and so powerful!

Not long after this, I also remember closing my eyes as I envisioned myself carrying Kaylee to the throne and laying her at the feet of God.  With tears rolling down my face, I then said this prayer:  Thank You Father for giving me this child, and thank You for choosing me to be her mother.  But my child is sick now, and I do not know how to make her well. So I am giving her back to You, and I am asking You to help her.  

After this prayer, I felt a peace transcend me that I had not felt since Kaylee had first begun to get sick.  Later that night, after I went to bed, I felt the most soothing and comforting words come over me.  I knew without a doubt that it was God speaking these words to my heart:  I have her in my arms.

The night before the seminar, Kaylee crawled into the bed with me in a rare mood to talk.  She was my child who was not a big communicator; so whenever she was ready to talk, I had to seize the opportunity.  I do not even know how long we talked, but it was well into the wee hours of the morning before we finally fell asleep.  I remember thinking that there was no way I would be able to get up for the seminar.    

Somehow I found myself driving to the seminar the next morning.  To be honest, I don’t recall much more than that.  I remember that as I was driving, I was still trying to think of a way that I could slip out around lunch time without hurting my friends feelings too much.

As Dr. Robbins began to speak, I was immediately drawn to what he was saying.  He started out by telling us that for optimal health we needed to go back to eating the foods in the form that God had given them to us.  He explained the miraculous way that God had designed these foods (fruits and vegetables) to be a perfect fit for our bodies.  He talked about how, as a society, we have gotten away from this.  He believed that many of these chronic diseases could be contributed to this fact.   As he went on to explain the things that we do to our food, it made a lot of sense to me.

He also talked about the importance of digestive enzymes.  This was something completely new to me.  He explained that we are born with a certain number of digestive enzymes that are essential for us to be able to properly digest our food.  These enzymes, he also explained; can only be replenished through the consumption of raw fruits and vegetables.  The reason they need to be raw, he went on to explain, is because when we cook them, the heat diminishes these vital enzymes.  Also, exposure to air will do the same over time.  Therefore, we need to eat the entire fruit or vegetable once the skin is removed.  This explanation really helped me to understand why we need to eat a certain amount of our fruits and vegetables in their raw and natural form.  In addition to this, I began to understand why juicing is even more effective.  Dr. Robbins strongly recommended that for our optimal health and well-being, 70% of our diet should be raw fruits and vegetables.  Although this might have seemed extreme to some (including me), he encouraged us that any change was better than nothing.  He felt that it was a good start toward better health to simply eat something raw with every meal.

The seminar ended up being very eye-opening and informative, even for my own health issues.  Yet, what encouraged me the most was hearing him say that he had seen almost every disease (including Parkinson’s disease) turn around through diet alone.  I do recall, however, that he acknowledged the only disease he had not seen turn completely around was type one Diabetes (remember this is the disease my son has now been diagnosed with).  He did not mention Crohn’s disease specifically, but from everything he was saying, I had great hope, especially since this disease involved the digestive tract.

The irony of it all for me was that the nutritionist at Children’s Hospital had recommended a diet for Kaylee that eliminated all raw fruits and vegetables, with the exception of bananas.  If what Dr. Robbins was saying was the truth, the diet we had been given would actually further contribute to Kaylee’s decline in health.  So not only was the medication going to put her at greater risk, the recommended diet was as well.  Although I did not understand this at the time, I now realize that this is because the medical focus is not targeted to  treat the disease itself.  If you do not know the cause of disease, you cannot cure it.  Therefore, the focus at this time is to mask or cover up the symptoms of the disease (even if that means depriving the body of what it needs to recover).  If you think about it, that is very scary and sad!

What impressed me the most about Dr. Robbins was that he was coming from a Christian perspective.  He did not believe that God wanted us to be sick.  He told us that if we were going to overcome sickness and disease, we needed to first understand how much God loves us.  He said that if we didn’t believe this, we needed to read Psalms 139.  I jotted this down in my notebook and decided I would go home and read it later.  I ended up staying for most of the seminar, and left feeling very hopeful! 

Our follow-up appointment with the doctor from Children’s Hospital was within a few days of this seminar.  This appointment was very difficult for me.  It was hard to hear the things the doctor was predicting for Kaylee’s life.  He told me that Kaylee would be dependant on medication all throughout the day, and that it was very important that she not miss a dosage.  He also told me that her immune system was compromised, and that she would be more prone to get sick than the average child.  He went on to say that she would probably not have the energy that other children did, and that we should not expect as much from her. 

Just when I thought it couldn’t get much worse, the final bombshell came!  He then reminded me that these diseases tend to be genetically linked.  Therefore, I should always be looking for similar signs in my other children.   This would not be easy for any mother to hear, but as a mother of 5 children, I didn’t see how I could avoid having another chronically ill child one day.  Needless to say, it was all overwhelming!

It would seem that it would be a no-brainer which direction to take with Kaylee.  Yet, when it involves a child and going directly against what the doctors are recommending for the treatment of a very dangerous disease, it is extremely difficult!  I was discussing all of this with a friend of mine and telling her about all the different ways that God seemed to be guiding me and pointing me in the direction of Dr. Robbins.  As I said this, she stopped me and said, “Wow!  We were just talking about this in church today.  You need to read Psalms 139!”   I wasn’t completely certain at the moment, but I told her, “I think that is what Dr. Robbins told us to read!” 

I knew that I needed to go get my Bible and read that chapter, but I didn’t yet.  After discussing it all with my friend on the phone, I felt that I needed to go pray.  I went and shut myself in my bathroom (the only place I could get any privacy) and I cried out to God one final time for clear, undeniable direction!  I remember this prayer that I prayed word for word:  Father, the doctors do not know what went wrong in Kaylee’s body, and they do not know how to make her well.  But God, You know her body. You created her, and you know exactly what went wrong.  I want to go with Dr. Robbins because he gives me hope, but I do not want to go my way; I want to go Your way!  Please show me the way to go!”

Shortly after I said this prayer, Kaylee approached me and said, “I still remember my Bible verse that I learned in VBS this summer!” 

I believe that before she even said it, I already knew….  The most incredible part was that she had never been able to memorize a Bible verse all the way through before.  She seemed to have some sort of a block in that area.  I didn’t even know until that very moment that she had learned one at all. 

Here is Kaylee’s first Bible verse to learn all the way through, and my final confirmation that it was indeed God who had already been guiding me the entire way:

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

 If I settle on the far side of the sea,
Even there Your hand will guide me,
Your right hand will hold me fast.  Psalms 139:9&10