Our Story, Part Three

The seminar for Dr. Robbins was just ahead, and I am embarrassed to admit that I was still going back and forth about whether to go or not.  As many signs as God seemed to be giving me, I was still not convinced that this was going to be our answer.  I was struggling with a lot of doubt about everything.  Some nights I would lay there and think:  Am I just trying to convince myself this is God?  Am I really just in some kind of crazy denial?

In addition to this, I was struggling with whether or not I should even desire for Kaylee to be well again.  As crazy as that may sound now, at the time it was a very real battle.  I was very confused as to how I needed to view this disease.  After all, I was being told by some that God had a great plan to use this in Kaylee’s life.  I wondered if I wasn't just being stubborn and refusing to “bend the knee” to God’s will for Kaylee.

I remember one night during this time, I finally came to the conclusion that I needed to surrender my will to God’s once and for all.  That night I said a prayer that went something like this: God, if it is Your will for Kaylee to be sick, I will not fight it anymore.  But I need for You to give me a peace in my heart.  I need for You to help me accept it.  What happened next took me completely by surprise.  I felt something rise up inside of me.  It was like an amazing strength from deep within.  At the same moment, these words seemed to penetrate my heart: Don’t accept it.  Fight it!  It felt so clear and so powerful!

Not long after this, I also remember closing my eyes as I envisioned myself carrying Kaylee to the throne and laying her at the feet of God.  With tears rolling down my face, I then said this prayer:  Thank You Father for giving me this child, and thank You for choosing me to be her mother.  But my child is sick now, and I do not know how to make her well. So I am giving her back to You, and I am asking You to help her.  

After this prayer, I felt a peace transcend me that I had not felt since Kaylee had first begun to get sick.  Later that night, after I went to bed, I felt the most soothing and comforting words come over me.  I knew without a doubt that it was God speaking these words to my heart:  I have her in my arms.

The night before the seminar, Kaylee crawled into the bed with me in a rare mood to talk.  She was my child who was not a big communicator; so whenever she was ready to talk, I had to seize the opportunity.  I do not even know how long we talked, but it was well into the wee hours of the morning before we finally fell asleep.  I remember thinking that there was no way I would be able to get up for the seminar.    

Somehow I found myself driving to the seminar the next morning.  To be honest, I don’t recall much more than that.  I remember that as I was driving, I was still trying to think of a way that I could slip out around lunch time without hurting my friends feelings too much.

As Dr. Robbins began to speak, I was immediately drawn to what he was saying.  He started out by telling us that for optimal health we needed to go back to eating the foods in the form that God had given them to us.  He explained the miraculous way that God had designed these foods (fruits and vegetables) to be a perfect fit for our bodies.  He talked about how, as a society, we have gotten away from this.  He believed that many of these chronic diseases could be contributed to this fact.   As he went on to explain the things that we do to our food, it made a lot of sense to me.

He also talked about the importance of digestive enzymes.  This was something completely new to me.  He explained that we are born with a certain number of digestive enzymes that are essential for us to be able to properly digest our food.  These enzymes, he also explained; can only be replenished through the consumption of raw fruits and vegetables.  The reason they need to be raw, he went on to explain, is because when we cook them, the heat diminishes these vital enzymes.  Also, exposure to air will do the same over time.  Therefore, we need to eat the entire fruit or vegetable once the skin is removed.  This explanation really helped me to understand why we need to eat a certain amount of our fruits and vegetables in their raw and natural form.  In addition to this, I began to understand why juicing is even more effective.  Dr. Robbins strongly recommended that for our optimal health and well-being, 70% of our diet should be raw fruits and vegetables.  Although this might have seemed extreme to some (including me), he encouraged us that any change was better than nothing.  He felt that it was a good start toward better health to simply eat something raw with every meal.

The seminar ended up being very eye-opening and informative, even for my own health issues.  Yet, what encouraged me the most was hearing him say that he had seen almost every disease (including Parkinson’s disease) turn around through diet alone.  I do recall, however, that he acknowledged the only disease he had not seen turn completely around was type one Diabetes (remember this is the disease my son has now been diagnosed with).  He did not mention Crohn’s disease specifically, but from everything he was saying, I had great hope, especially since this disease involved the digestive tract.

The irony of it all for me was that the nutritionist at Children’s Hospital had recommended a diet for Kaylee that eliminated all raw fruits and vegetables, with the exception of bananas.  If what Dr. Robbins was saying was the truth, the diet we had been given would actually further contribute to Kaylee’s decline in health.  So not only was the medication going to put her at greater risk, the recommended diet was as well.  Although I did not understand this at the time, I now realize that this is because the medical focus is not targeted to  treat the disease itself.  If you do not know the cause of disease, you cannot cure it.  Therefore, the focus at this time is to mask or cover up the symptoms of the disease (even if that means depriving the body of what it needs to recover).  If you think about it, that is very scary and sad!

What impressed me the most about Dr. Robbins was that he was coming from a Christian perspective.  He did not believe that God wanted us to be sick.  He told us that if we were going to overcome sickness and disease, we needed to first understand how much God loves us.  He said that if we didn’t believe this, we needed to read Psalms 139.  I jotted this down in my notebook and decided I would go home and read it later.  I ended up staying for most of the seminar, and left feeling very hopeful! 

Our follow-up appointment with the doctor from Children’s Hospital was within a few days of this seminar.  This appointment was very difficult for me.  It was hard to hear the things the doctor was predicting for Kaylee’s life.  He told me that Kaylee would be dependant on medication all throughout the day, and that it was very important that she not miss a dosage.  He also told me that her immune system was compromised, and that she would be more prone to get sick than the average child.  He went on to say that she would probably not have the energy that other children did, and that we should not expect as much from her. 

Just when I thought it couldn’t get much worse, the final bombshell came!  He then reminded me that these diseases tend to be genetically linked.  Therefore, I should always be looking for similar signs in my other children.   This would not be easy for any mother to hear, but as a mother of 5 children, I didn’t see how I could avoid having another chronically ill child one day.  Needless to say, it was all overwhelming!

It would seem that it would be a no-brainer which direction to take with Kaylee.  Yet, when it involves a child and going directly against what the doctors are recommending for the treatment of a very dangerous disease, it is extremely difficult!  I was discussing all of this with a friend of mine and telling her about all the different ways that God seemed to be guiding me and pointing me in the direction of Dr. Robbins.  As I said this, she stopped me and said, “Wow!  We were just talking about this in church today.  You need to read Psalms 139!”   I wasn’t completely certain at the moment, but I told her, “I think that is what Dr. Robbins told us to read!” 

I knew that I needed to go get my Bible and read that chapter, but I didn’t yet.  After discussing it all with my friend on the phone, I felt that I needed to go pray.  I went and shut myself in my bathroom (the only place I could get any privacy) and I cried out to God one final time for clear, undeniable direction!  I remember this prayer that I prayed word for word:  Father, the doctors do not know what went wrong in Kaylee’s body, and they do not know how to make her well.  But God, You know her body. You created her, and you know exactly what went wrong.  I want to go with Dr. Robbins because he gives me hope, but I do not want to go my way; I want to go Your way!  Please show me the way to go!”

Shortly after I said this prayer, Kaylee approached me and said, “I still remember my Bible verse that I learned in VBS this summer!” 

I believe that before she even said it, I already knew….  The most incredible part was that she had never been able to memorize a Bible verse all the way through before.  She seemed to have some sort of a block in that area.  I didn’t even know until that very moment that she had learned one at all. 

Here is Kaylee’s first Bible verse to learn all the way through, and my final confirmation that it was indeed God who had already been guiding me the entire way:

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

 If I settle on the far side of the sea,
Even there Your hand will guide me,
Your right hand will hold me fast.  Psalms 139:9&10