"In addition to all this,
take up the shield of faith,
with which you can extinguish
all the flaming arrows
of the evil one. "
Ephesians 6:16
I couldn't get the words the pastor had spoken out of my mind: "We were fasting in January, but we will be feasting in August." Kaylee had let me know months earlier that she did not want to spend the remainder of her life dependent on a restrictive diet and that she wanted God to heal her completely. I had begun my time of fasting in the month of January believing that we had no options left but to begin another difficult, restrictive diet for Kaylee. So the words "feasting in August" carried a more significant meaning to us than anyone can imagine! God seemed to be confirming to me, yet again, that this healing was indeed going to be completed in August.
One might assume, with all of the confirmation I was getting, I would be able to walk the remaining months out with certainty. But unfortunately I still had my daily struggles with doubt. On the days I would fast, my confidence was high and I had little doubt at all. Yet the struggle would come the other six days of the week. Satan knew where my weaknesses and insecurities were, and it was these areas that he continued to target.
My greatest insecurity was probably the shattered condition of my marriage. Satan would continually bring to my mind that I did not have a godly husband to support me, guide me and protect me. I had always been taught that women need this spiritual covering and that without this protection they are at risk of being misled or deceived. Not only did I not have a husband around, my most recent experiences with pastors had me afraid to seek the spiritual counsel that I desperately wanted during this time.
The last thing that I wanted was to be misled or to mislead Kaylee, but all I really had as my spiritual covering and protection during these times was God. I went to bed one night saying a prayer that went something like this: God, If this is really You at work and if this healing is really about to take place, I ask you to please confirm it to me just one more time. I cannot bear the thought of believing for this again and being disappointed. But even more importantly, I don't want Kaylee to be disappointed. I want Your will to be done, not mine. Please, out of Your mercy, do not allow me to deceive myself.
God never ceased to amaze me with His continual mercy and patience with me throughout my very inconsistent walk! The very next morning I decided to call my sister-in-law (Terry) and fill her in on what was going on so that she could join me in prayer. I also wanted to see what she thought about the possible connection between what had happened on January 18th and the dream Rachel had told me about in which Kaylee was healed on my birthday (August 18th).
"Wow!" she said "So January 18th to August 18th is exactly seven months. "Seven is the number of completion! There's your answer!"
I had not yet made that connection, and when I got off the phone with her, I knew immediately that I had just been given the confirmation that I had asked God for the night before. I didn't know much about numbers or their significance to God at the time, but I did remember hearing before that the number seven represented completion and perfection.
As I looked through the Bible the next day, it was evident that numbers have always had significant meaning to God. In fact, the very next Friday God took me to the book of Joshua, chapter 6: "Then the Lord said to Joshua, see I have delivered Jericho into your hands, along with its king and its fighting men. March around the city once with all the armed men. Do this for six days. Have seven priest carry seven trumpets of rams' horns in front of the ark. On the seventh day, march around the city seven times, with the priest blowing the trumpets. When you hear them sound a long blast on the trumpets, have the whole army give a shout; then the wall of the city will collapse and the army will go up, everyone straight in."
Undoubtedly, the number seven has significant meaning to God, and in the story of Jericho, it seemed to have great significance to the final victory! It was hard for me to understand all of these deep spiritual things God seemed to be showing me, and again, there are still many things about this healing that I do not understand. Yet God continued to be faithful to confirm that He was with me each step of the way.
As Erica and I began to ask around, we found out that this church had called a 21 day church-wide fast in the month of January. We also found out that in the month of August they would follow up with a 21 day church-wide prayer. My birthday was going to fall somewhere in the middle of this time. I didn't know much more than that; but I now believe with all of my heart that God specifically connected Kaylee's healing to this church and purposely aligned it with this time of fasting in January and prayer in August.
The people of this church had incredible faith, like nothing I had quite ever witnessed before. I believe that we needed this great faith and these powerful prayers, and that we were able to reap the benefits of this time of fasting in January even though we weren't even aware it was going on. ...Amazing!
If you will remember, God had come down on me hard in December because He needed for me to participate in this time of fasting as well. This was why my obedience (without understanding) had been so critical! He had been setting things into place behind the scenes that I did not know about. It was all part of His perfect plan!
During these critical seven months, I could honestly see the warfare over Kaylee's life being played out before my eyes. Every high moment of confirmation or understanding always seemed to be followed by a fiery arrow of some sort, and it was critical that I keep my shield of faith in hand.
Sometime toward the end of May, I received a phone call from my oldest daughter, Brooke. She had gone to the doctor to check on some pain she had been experiencing. I hadn't thought too much of this pain because she had just started back taking a tumbling class and I believed that it was due to an injury of some sort. She called to tell me that the doctor felt, based on everything she was describing, that it sounded like Rheumatoid Arthritis! Brooke was calling to let me know that they were doing some blood work and that they would have the results in a couple of days. My initial reaction was shock and fear, but I quickly convinced myself that it was just precautionary because she was Kaylee's sister.
A couple of days later, I received an urgent message from one of the nurses saying that Brooke needed to call her immediately! I could not get in touch with Brooke, so I called the nurse back myself. Because Brooke was 18 and she had forgotten to sign a release for me, the nurse could not give me any information about the results of the test, even though I begged!
Instinctively, I already knew what the results were.
I could tell by the urgency in the nurse's voice, and I also suspected that if the results had been negative, it would not have been a big deal for her to somehow assure me things were fine.
After I hung up the phone, I went and shut myself off in a room and collapsed to the floor in tears. How could this be happening right now as I was just approaching the end of this battle with Kaylee? As this gripping fear began to take over my body and thoughts, I suddenly remembered the things that God had been teaching me about the fruit of the Spirit being my source of strength. When fear is present, the Holy Spirit is quenched, our joy and peace are stripped away, and we become weaker and weaker. I knew that I could not finish this out if I allowed this fear to remain inside of me.
I began to focus on God's goodness and faithfulness, and my faith was suddenly renewed as the truth began to take over my thoughts. This news had not caught God by surprise! He had a plan! Perhaps this timing was perfect. We already had a healing underway, and I made up my mind that day that I would not worry about this again until after August 18th. After this, I made a very bold declaration: I guess God will just have to heal Brooke on the same day He heals Kaylee!
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