"There are things that you will only be able to learn from the weakest among us, and when you snuff them out, you are the one that loses. You are the one who will suffer forever."
Gianna Jessen
(abortion survivor)
As I continue to share our story, I realize that it may be obvious to some of you what church I am referring to in my blogs. Because everything is about to take a turn, I want to make it clear that I am not sharing our story to point out any specific church or person involved, but rather to bring awareness to the devastating consequences of the "auto-immune" condition (disease) within the "Body of Christ." We are called to build up, love and support each and every member within the Body. We are told to give honor and respect, even to the very least among us. In fact, God tells us: "And the parts we think are less honorable we treat with special honor." (I Corinthians 12:23) When we choose to disregard and dishonor the weaker members, we are the ones who will suffer the consequences.
There is a tendency within the church to only give honor and respect to those who we value and esteem and to discount the ones who we do not. I would never have understood just how detrimental and destructive it could be had God not allowed me to become one of these weak, disregarded members. For this reason, I am choosing to share our story in its entirety. I did not get to write the ending of our story, and I would have never written it the way that it went. My family has a beautiful testimony that has been shut down for more than 5 years and tainted because of the "auto-immune" condition in the church.
I believe that many of my problems first began because the local pastor was not happy that the prayer service for Kaylee had taken place in the church. Although he had given permission for the church to be used on that night, and although the elders had been a part of our prayer service, he would later let it be known that it should not have taken place in the church. It's hard to believe that my daughter's miraculous healing has been overshadowed by controversy. I believe that it was this point of contention that began to cause the dissension among us.
It didn't happen overnight, but through a series of misunderstandings, false perceptions, the "pointing finger" and much "secret talk", it was eventually concluded that I had manipulated the prayer team to have this prayer service for Kaylee. Somewhere along the way, these women seemed to have forgotten that we all prayed together and specifically asked God what He wanted us to do. It had been during our time of prayer that one of the woman stood up and said, "I know what God wants us to do..."
I will always know that I got down on my knees in front of the cross that day and gave the day to God. I know that God planned and ordained this night long before I ever stepped foot in that church. Our miracle was designed and orchestrated by the hand of God and He is deserving of all the glory. I am not going to allow the lies and schemes of the enemy to take my testimony from me.
Sometimes I think back and wonder how it ever got to this point. After all, if you really think about it, who would condemn a mother with a sick child for "manipulating" to use the altar for prayer (even if this was true)? When things do not make sense, you can be sure it's the enemy at work.
Admittedly, some of our side of this story is based on perception and hearsay. This is because nobody ever came to me to tell me what I was being accused of in secret. I had to figure most of this out for myself. In the last couple of years, I have sent numerous emails, and even a certified letter, pleading with the pastors for a meeting with everyone involved so that this can be resolved and reconciled. These emails and letters have been ignored (disregarded). One thing I have learned throughout this ordeal is that when people do not value you, they do not see a purpose for reconciliation.
As we know, Satan is an expert and mastermind at causing confusion and deception among God's people. A seed was planted, watered a little at a time, and before we knew it, had grown out of control. Eventually, it was determined by many within this church that I was a "foreign invader" (bacteria, virus, antigen) who did not belong in the church ("Body").
From this point forward, I will be changing many of the names in my blog for the protection of those involved. The names I have mentioned previously are among the few who did not turn against me. I choose to walk in forgiveness toward those who have accused me, but I also choose to stand firm in the truth. I am fully aware who the real enemy of the church is:
"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." (Ephesians 6:12)
Many things were happening simultaneously, but for the most part, I was completely oblivious to what was "brewing" behind the scenes. When Erica and I look back, we can see things a bit more clearly. There were a couple of "red flags" early on.
Erica was befriended by an older woman who was a member of the prayer team and who had also been a part of Kaylee's prayer service. I will refer to her as Sally. Following our prayer service, Erica was eager to learn more about the gifts of the Holy Spirit and she expressed this desire to Sally. The two of them began talking, and Sally began to refer to herself as Erica's "spiritual mother." Erica shared many things with Sally about what she and I had been through together (the things I have mentioned in this blog).
At some point, Erica asked Sally if she would meet with me so that she could hear my testimony for herself. To Erica's surprise, Sally declined. She then explained to her that because she was a widow, living alone without her spiritual protection, she was vulnerable. She later further explained (in a letter) that "the Holy Spirit had checked her" from taking this additional step with me. Shortly after this, she gave Erica a copy of the book "Boundaries" and told her that the the two of us needed to "honor the fence" that stands between us. Needless to say, Erica found all of this to be very odd.
Sally would later say something else that Erica found to be very disturbing. She told Erica that the pastors of the church had been warned that the devil was going to send a woman to the church in Auburn who would try and cause division. Erica was confused as to why she would be sharing this information with her. Also, she couldn't help but wonder where Sally was getting this information from. Erica began to suspect that this woman, whom Sally was referring to, was me, but she couldn't say for certain at the time. Erica decided to distance herself from Sally.
Erica did not tell me about any of this for some time, so I continued to be oblivious to it all. We now believe that the secret talk against me had already begun and that Sally was subtly attempting to pass it on to Erica (planting a seed). This would become more obvious and blatant later.
In the meantime, we were still celebrating our miracle and assuming that everyone was rejoicing with us. Kaylee continued to improve daily, and at some point, I decided that I needed to let the pastors in Birmingham know about our miracle. The main pastor was impossible to reach, but I made a phone call to the main office and told the secretary that I wanted to share some exciting news. She put me in touch with one of the associate pastors (I do not recall his name). I told this pastor that my daughter had been healed, following the sermon that was preached on healing, and I also told him that I had a great story to share concerning it all.
Admittedly, this pastor's response was a bit of a letdown for me. Although he was nice and seemed happy for us, it just felt strange. His response was as if I was telling him some great news like: my husband had just gotten a new job or our house had sold after being on the market for a long time. It just didn't seem that he was grasping the real miracle that had just taken place. I suppose that because I had prayed for this for nine long years, I expected him to be more excited. I expected that he would want to hear all about it. After all, these are not the kind of miracles that happen every day.
The following Sunday, the pastor began the service by saying, "I am hearing that there are great things happening at the church in Auburn!" He then went on to talk about the number of college students that had been in attendance at one of the recent events at the church. Although I hadn't expected our healing to be acknowledged, this still felt like a knife in my heart. So much of the focus at this church seemed to be on numbers and growth, and it was at this point that I began to understand that our miracle would most likely never be told to the church.
Looking back now, this all seems very trivial. If our story had ended with our miracle simply not being acknowledged, I would be fine. But from this point forward, things began to spiral out of control. I find it to be very interesting that God brought our miracle about through the power of unity and that Satan was able to quickly shut it down through division. I truly believe that there is a greater message to be found in the entirety of our testimony.
"...But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other."
(I Corinthians 12:24&25)
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