"You, my brothers and sisters,
were called to be free.
But do not use your freedom
to indulge the flesh; rather,
serve one another humbly in love."
(Galatians 5:13)
The life-changing sermon on healing that I received on August 17th, the day before my birthday and the day of our healing, had been the third part of a four part series entitled, Encounters. The fourth and final sermon in this series was preached the following Sunday, August 24th. This sermon, which was entitled Encounters on Purpose, was about to tie everything together perfectly for me.
The service began on a disappointing note. At the closing of the previous sermon on healing, a brief testimony had been shared with us about the writer of the song, "Healer." ( or "You're My Healer") The pastor started off by informing us that the testimony we had heard, in which the writer of the song claimed to have been healed of cancer, turned out not to be the truth. In fact, the writer had never had cancer at all. It would turn out that he had deceived and misled a large group of people. This was hard to hear, as so many of us had been emotionally moved to tears by this man's story the week before (I did not mention this part in my blog earlier for this reason).
This was particularly hard for me to hear because this song, and this man's story, had been such an inspiration to me going into our healing service for Kaylee. It would turn out that this would be just the beginning of a series of "dark shadows" that Satan would attempt to cast over our miraculous day. Although this testimony had nothing to do with our miracle, this deception made us all a bit less trusting than we had been the week before. A seed of skepticism and doubt had now been planted in everyone's mind. We were reminded that there are people out there who will manipulate for their own gain and that we cannot simply take people at their word.
I later watched a clip about this man's story. My heart went out to him as he seemed very broken, ashamed and remorseful for how he had deceived so many people. The truth was, God had healed him from addictions and issues of his past, but somewhere along the way, Satan had tempted him to create a better story. This lie had grown out of control and spread quickly, and because it had been made so public, it was now being used to discredit both the church and the subject of healing. This was a perfect example of what the pastor had been talking to us about in the sermon the week before.
Although this was very disappointing in many ways, we have to keep in mind that if we allow one man's sin to cause us to question everyone or to doubt the healing power of God altogether, we are giving Satan exactly what he wanted from this. There are far too many wonderful testimonies out there about healing that are true.
Once we were past this difficult part of the morning, the pastor went on to preach a powerful sermon. He began by talking to us about those moments in our lives that forever "mark" and "define" us. I had just experienced a "defining moment" in my life a few days earlier, and I knew that I would never be the same. I listened closely and took in every word of this sermon.
"And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the spirit." (II Corinthians 3:18)
The pastor explained to us that these life-changing moments and personal encounters with God are not only for our enjoyment. These experiences are also given to us so that we can pass on this hope to a lost and hurting world. "The moments are to be reflections of light and life to a world ...who's about to check out, they're dying, they're hopeless, they're sick, they're tired, they can't handle it anymore..." he went on.
As he spoke these words, I felt something stirring inside of me. Those dark, seemingly hopeless moments in my life had left me with a new understanding, as well as a deep compassion for the sick, the weak, and the poor (the oppressed). I knew, all too well, what it felt like to be tired and hopeless. Yet I also knew, because of the miraculous "encounter" I had just experienced, what it felt like to be honored, valued, highly esteemed and loved by God.
"Our hope," the pastor explained, "was that everyone of us would get marked, have a moment with God, lives changed, so that we could be this reflection to a world that's tired, given up, hurting..."
"In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." (Mathew 5:16)
Once again, I was receiving every word out of this pastor's mouth as though it was being spoken directly to me from God. I had once felt that God had a calling on my life, and I felt that tug on my heart once again. I felt this vision being renewed inside of me. I wanted to be a reflection of hope to others and to pass on the incredible love I had just experienced. In fact, I felt that I owed this to God after all that He had done for me.
He went on to tell us that every "encounter story" mentioned in the Bible had one consistent theme: an assignment.
"God never encounters someone and then leaves them at the point of the encounter. In every one of them, at the end of the encounter, God says, 'Okay, now here's your assignment.' Every encounter has a follow-up purpose, a plan, a destiny, a mission, something I (God) need you to do."
The pastor then looked at us and confirmed what I already knew in my heart: "Let me say with every bit of conviction I have, God has a call on your life!" he said ..."You are here with a very special and unique assignment. It will make your life make sense."
I began to think back to the dream God had given me years earlier in which He was leading me through the dark cave toward the light. God had taught me so many things since that dream, and although it had been much darker than I could have ever anticipated, God had brought me through it. He never let go of my hand, even in those moments when I seriously questioned and doubted Him. He had taught me how to trust Him in the darkness, how to persevere, how to pray, and how to battle the wicked schemes and lies of the enemy.
Suddenly it all began to make sense. I began to understand that God had allowed my suffering - my time in "the pit"- to prepare me for a greater calling that He had on my life. I felt that God wanted me to help bring hope and healing to the sick, broken, wounded, disregarded, invaluable members (or potential members) of the "Body of Christ."
"God wants to reveal Himself to you," the pastor went on, "All you have to do is pursue it... God can be found, but He is found to those who actively pursue Him."
After this, he warned us about the tactics that Satan would use in order to hinder us or distract us from this pursuit of God. He explained that Satan would try to bring up the sins of our past, the "lies" he has planted in our minds, the "issue of yesterday." But the pastor also assured us, "God wants to rip that rear-view mirror down. ...He wants to move you off the stuff that has you stuck."
He then told us that our calling would require us to "take a step of faith." He explained how it would seem uncertain at first and that God would only give us enough information to get us started. He would give us the rest, only as we needed it, in order to keep us close and dependent on Him.
"God will give you a seemingly impossible vision. He wants to use you in a great way." he said.
My heart was racing as I felt this calling on my life once again, but then came the dreaded part that I did not want to hear:
"You can expect resistance," the pastor said. "Every demon in hell is going to try and stop you. ...You will feel like stopping. You will say, 'What went wrong?' But the truth is, you just might be doing everything right. As one pastor said, 'If you're not butting heads with the devil from time to time, you just might be walking with him." he continued on. "Do not let it distract you!"
"I only know that in every city the Holy Spirit warns me that prison and hardships are facing me." (Acts 20:23)
I quickly dismissed this part of the message from my thoughts. I convinced myself that this one part was for somebody else. I felt that I had already been through my time of suffering. On this day, I only wanted to focus on all the wonderful things God had done for my family. He had led me to the most incredible church! He had lined these sermons up to guide me along my way. He had healed my children! He was now reminding me that He had a calling on my life!
I couldn't wait to let the people of this church know what God had done through their prayers! I couldn't wait to tell this pastor about our healing and about how God had used him and his messages in such an incredible way! I couldn't wait to let everyone know how God had lined our healing up with their 21 days of fasting in January and the 21 days of prayer in August! I couldn't wait to tell them the beautiful way that God had started it all by giving one of my students (a disregarded, wounded child) a dream and how He had finished it with the perfect sermon on healing the day before my birthday! It was still all so unbelievable to me!
I continued to sit there in amazement as God continued to speak. The pastor even ended the sermon this day with the very same verse that God had been using to give me understanding about Kaylee's healing:
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." (II Corinthians 4:16-18)
Although I couldn't understand it at the time, I can now look back and see that this verse was given to me for a greater purpose, not only concerning Kaylee's healing. It was also meant to prepare me for what was ahead. It is still shocking, as I sit here reliving this moment, the drastic turn it was all about to take. Although I can see clearly how God had been warning me for a very long time, there was just no way I could have fully prepared myself for what was coming.
You see, the people of this church would never hear about Kaylee's healing nor would they ever know the part they played in it. As quickly as God had pulled it all together, Satan set out to shut down our testimony. Yes, resistance was about to come, but it would come in a way I would never have thought possible. Most of this resistance would come through this very church and through many of the people who had prayed for Kaylee's healing on our special night. As wonderful as this church was (and still is) it too had symptoms of the auto-immune condition (disease) that God had been revealing to me. He knew what was coming. In fact, if you will remember, God had also led me to stand up in front of everyone on the night our healing took place and to talk about the critical message of Isaiah 58. He had led me to confess my own struggles with this destructive behavior: "... the pointing finger and malicious talk...."
Satan had lost an enormous battle concerning my family, and the way I see it, he wanted to ensure that nothing like this would ever take place in this church again (or in any church). He hated and feared the unity and love that had brought him defeat! He had to quickly shut down our testimony, and in order to do this, he had to first discredit me completely. Clearly, I was not going to be quiet about our miracle!
The pastor had identified the precise point of attack: my "rear-view mirror." Satan had already come after my family hard, and he knew that he could use the shattered condition of my life against me. After all, he is an expert on causing division in a church. I was about to experience an "auto-immune attack" within this very church like nothing I had ever imagined was possible!
I have often described our miraculous night as being like the story of Cinderella. For one glorious night, I truly felt like a princess. I was given a birthday party by God! On this night, the people of this church saw our family through the eyes of God and they truly loved us! ...But as the fairy tale tends to go, when the clock struck mid-night, we all began to turn back into "pumpkins and mice."
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