Our Story, Part Thirty-Eight (Perseverance)

"Therefore, since we are surrounded 
by such a great cloud of witnesses, 

let us throw off everything that hinders 

and the sin that so easily entangles, 

and let us run with perseverance 
the race marked out for us."

(Hebrews 12:1)

I am excited to be posting this particular blog on the six year anniversary of when Kaylee's healing began (January 18th, 2008).  As I look back now, I am still so amazed at how God pulled it all together. When I woke up on that seemingly ordinary morning, I would never have dreamed what God had in store for us over the next several months. The only thing I knew, going into that day, was that I had to have a perfect fast.  I had to "throw off the sin that so easily entangles."  I had to follow God's instructions laid out in Isaiah 58.  I had to "do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing finger and malicious talk...." God had something great planned, but I could have stopped it from taking place. His plan also had a requirement of me.

Before I go any further with our story, I want to caution people about pointing fingers at the church where my negative experience took place.  If we do this, we are missing the entire point I believe God is trying to teach us through this. I know that God led me to this church for Kaylee's healing because this church had something critical that I needed. This pastor is the one God chose to lead me along the way, and I know that the message he delivered to me, on the subject of healing, was straight from God. I believe that what my family experienced on August 18th, 2008 (exactly 7 months after my fasting began) is the "heart" of this church. I also know that God delights in this church and in their passion for Him. Although what happened to my family was very wrong (and it gets much worse from here), I know who my real enemy is.  I also know who the enemy of the church is. When a church is making a tremendous impact toward the furthering of God's kingdom, it also becomes an on-going target of the enemy's schemes.  

My heart's desire is to point out a condition in which most of us have been guilty of at one time or another.  There is a tendency to overlook, disregard and dishonor the least among us.  There is a tendency to value and esteem certain members over others. There is a tendency to point accusing fingers at the poor, weak and oppressed, when we are called to protect, support and bring healing ("lose the chains of injustice" Isaiah 58.)  When we dishonor or disregard any member, we are missing out on the benefit of a fully functioning Body. We need each and every part to be healthy and functioning in order for the Body of Christ to be healthy and whole. 

God chose to give a dream to a young, abused, broken, disregarded member (the very least among us).  He then allowed me to become one of these disregarded members myself so that I could get the message out about how depleting and debilitating it is.  As Christians, we know that we can expect to be persecuted, but the persecution should not be coming from within the church. The resounding message of our testimony is this: We need not overlook any member, church, denomination or contribution within the Body. We all have something specific, unique and invaluable to offer, whether we agree on every issue or interpretation of scripture or not.  We all need each other!  

"The eye cannot say to the hand, 'I don't need you!" And the head cannot say to the feet, 'I don't need you.'  On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable, we treat with special honor..." (I Corinthians 12: 21-23)

"But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that each part should have equal concern for one another." 
(I Corinthians 12: 24&25)

Following my meeting with Pastor Stan and
Beverly, I tried to focus again on what I could do to help bring reconciliation. I didn't want to give the enemy any more ammunition to work with on my end.  I searched my heart again and sent the following email to Pastor Stan:

Pastor Stan (name changed),
I want to thank you for meeting with Erica and I today.  It is very important to me, if nothing else came out of that meeting, that you know I love and support you!  Please accept my apology if I did not always handle things in the right manner.  Also, please forgive my defensiveness.  It was not my intention to ever undermine you, and I am sorry if it came across that way at times.  My focus and my burden has been on my sick child for so long!  Please understand.

As far as the events of August 18th go, I want you to know that I did not ask for the service to take place in the church after you said no.  I simply turned the day over to God; showed up at the church for prayer; and went to the foot of the cross to pray that God direct the day according to His will.  After this, Gina asked me to give my testimony to the prayer team. We then prayed for direction.  The prayer team felt God wanted us "to keep a fire lit on the altar" all throughout the day and come back for a healing service that evening.  I told them that I did not think you wanted us to have the service there.  They told me to go home, enjoy my birthday, and leave the details up to God.  I did not know until later that afternoon that we were meeting in the church.  Your allowing the sanctuary to be left open gave my friends and family members the opportunity to come and pray all throughout the day.  Thank you for this!  It was important to me to have this healing at the altar.  Also, God's Spirit is so strong in that building because of all the wonderful people and powerful prayers lifted up by people, such as yourself!  

Again, please accept my apology for any offense I may have caused and rejoice with me over Kaylee's life.  She is such a blessing.  I have watched her suffer for so long and my God has delivered her!  Laura 

I received no reply to this email.


After this, I also called Beverly to apologize for snapping at her and for the things I said to her out of my defensiveness.  Beverly was very sweet and told me that she loved me, but because neither of them acknowledged any wrongdoing on their part, I was left to believe that they were standing firm in their accusations against me.  This was difficult and unsettling for me.  I continued to pray for truth and reconciliation.  Our beautiful miracle had now been tainted with the lies of the enemy.  I didn't want him to have the victory concerning our testimony. 

When I did not hear back from Pastor Stan, I sent one final email in which I poured my heart out one last time about how things had been left.  In this email, I also let him know that I supported him and believed in his calling for the church. I closed by wishing him and his family the very best.  He responded only by saying that he wished my family the very best also, and hoped we had a very Merry Christmas.  This was the last communication I ever had with him.

I never heard anything back from the pastors in Birmingham about the testimony I had sent to them. This led me to believe (and I probably should have realized this sooner) that they had already heard it all from Pastor Stan first. It appeared that they wanted nothing to do with our healing.   

Although I was not at peace in my spirit about the way things had been left, I was not ready to leave the church at this time, if for no other reason, for the sake of my children (particularly Kaylee). I had seen so much spiritual growth in them since we had begun visiting this church.  The messages coming out of Birmingham were powerful and my children's lives were being transformed. I had teenagers who were enthusiastic about going with me to the Wednesday morning prayer services (this meant waking up an hour earlier on a school day.) I wasn't ready to walk away from that. I knew that, for their sake, I had to make an effort. 

God made it very clear to me that I did not need to speak against the pastor in any way.  Therefore, I did not tell anyone in the church about our meeting. (I only confided in a few close friends and family members) Also, in order to show him that I was trying, I signed up for a small group that would begin in January. This small group was going to be led by the woman who God had used to pull Kaylee's prayer service together on my birthday. My heart was still overflowing with gratitude toward this woman for what she had done, and I was excited to be a part of her group. 

I was beginning to sense that the people who had been a part of the prayer service for Kaylee were now distancing themselves from us. I couldn't say for certain, but something just didn't seem right. Nobody was asking me about Kaylee, and because of the controversy surrounding it all, I didn't know if I should bring it up either. 

I still believed that everything I was experiencing had to do with the warning I had received through the sermon following Kaylee's healing. The pastor had said, "Every demon in hell will rise up to try and stop you!"  ...But stop me from what? 

The pastor had mentioned an assignment, a calling, and as I have mentioned before, I felt compelled to share our testimony.  I wanted everyone to know what God had done for us! I wanted to offer hope to the sick and oppressed. I wanted to encourage people to not give up no matter how things appeared.  I wanted to pass along the things I had learned about building a prayer "army" and about fasting. Yet, one thing I was discovering was that the stance the church was taking was hindering my witness.

Nearly every time I shared our testimony, the first thing people would ask me was what the pastor had to say about it.  Because our testimony was so heavily tied to this church in every way, it didn't make sense to people that our healing hadn't been shared in the church, or furthermore, that it wasn't being talked about at all. At the very minimal, they just couldn't understand why the main pastor, who God had used to lead me every step of the way, wasn't even acknowledging our healing.  I didn't know how to respond to these questions, and I believe that my lack of response caused some people to have doubts about our testimony.     

The story I am about to share took place over a period of several months (September-May). During this period of time, I was also experiencing more problems and backlash from within the church (I will mention these details in later blogs). Keep this in mind as you continue to read.

Almost immediately following Kaylee's healing, I began to reach out to a friend who I had met shortly after Kaylee's diagnosis through a co-op where we were ordering organic foods/fruits and vegetables. She and I had immediately bonded. She too had felt that God was leading her to fight/pray for her daughter's recovery from chronic, debilitating disease.  Her daughter, Lauren, had been diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis at a young age and was already walking with a limp when I met her at age 11.  I remember at the time that Lauren was a ballerina and that her condition was already affecting her ability to continue in her dancing (This is one example of the heartaches we as parents face). Diane believed that God was going to heal Lauren one day, and the two of us had prayed together on numerous occasions.

Although I had lost contact with her after moving to Auburn, I felt that I had to find her and let her know about Kaylee.  I was not yet on facebook, but Erica was, and we were first able to contact Lauren through facebook.  

After a series of messages via facebook, Lauren called me one night.  She was now 19 years old and felt a calling on her life to be a nurse in the mission field.  As Lauren and I talked that night on the phone, she poured her heart out to me about her desire to be set free from this very painful, crippling disease.  She felt that it was going to greatly hinder the calling God had on her life. 

A few days after I talked to Lauren, I received a phone call from Diane.  I told Diane about our experience, and encouraged her to not give up the fight for Lauren's healing! I could tell at that point that Diane no longer knew what to do.  

"We have to call a fast." I told her. "We have to "build the army."  

I told her that my children and I would join them in a fast.  We had a wonderful talk on the phone that night, and Diane told me that she was going to pray about things and talk with her husband about what their next step should be .

Diane called me a few days later.  She had spoken with her husband, and after praying together, the two of them were ready to move forward with the fast. Her husband sent out an email to the elders and other members at his church, asking them to join us in a fast for Lauren's healing.  In the meantime, Erica, Kaylee and I planned a day to drive to Birmingham to anoint and pray for Lauren.

We met Diane and Lauren at my sister-in-law's (Kelly) house in Trussville.  We spent the day talking and praying for Lauren.  I remember, before we started praying, Lauren said something that I found to be very odd. She told us that as she had been praying the night before, God had spoken to her heart and told her that the battle would either be won or lost at this time.  I didn't really know what to do with that.  Why would God be telling her that the battle might be lost?  I wondered.  I was determined that we were going to fight til the very end!

Our prayer time with Diane and Lauren was very special.  I gave Lauren a copy of Kaylee's prayer and told her to be praying it daily.  I warned her that things might get worse before they got better, but to not let that rattle her faith.  Over the next several days, Lauren's pain intensified.  In fact, her pain became so intense that she told me she screamed out in agony as she was driving down the road one day.  

Diane's husband did not receive a great response to the email he had sent out to the church about the fast.  Even so, we went forward with the number that we had. The children and I began fasting and praying for Lauren's healing. Although things were continuing to get harder for me in the church, and although I was still struggling in many areas, I felt passionate about what we were doing for Lauren.  I tried to keep my focus on her healing. 

Diane knew of the church we were attending, and was familiar with the campus in Birmingham. She too was confused about the response (or lack of) from the pastors of this church to our healing. Eventually, I confided in her about what I was going through in the church and asked her to join me in praying for this to be resolved.  Thankfully, this didn't cause her to think less of the church, and she even participated with this church in the time of fasting in January (2009).    

Erica and I planned another trip to meet with them for prayer again that spring.  It was during this visit that I was taken aback by something Diane said. 

"I don't think we are going to be able to receive our healing until you have resolved things with the pastors." she told me.

Somewhere along the way, Diane seemed to have come to the conclusion that God couldn't use me effectively in their lives if I didn't have the blessing of the pastors where I was attending church.   According to some extreme teachings on the subject of spiritual authority, a woman, without a "spiritual covering" cannot be effectively used by God.  

All of this was very confusing to me. I had been desiring a spiritual covering and protection for my family for a very long time.  I didn't know what more I could do to reconcile the situation at this church.   

A few weeks after this, I received a devastating phone call.  Diane called to warn me that I was in danger and off track. She now believed that my experience on January 18th was demonic, not from God. 

"I am telling you this as your friend," she said, "Please listen to me!"  

She went on to explain to me that Satan can also bring a healing about, only the healing wouldn't last.  She was referring to the teachings in the Bible about false signs and wonders (Mathew 24:23&24). It felt as though my sweet friend had been completely brainwashed, and as she continued talking, I realized it had possibly come through the leadership within her own church. 

"You can listen to me now," Diane said in a more firm tone, "Or you can turn away from me." 

I don't even remember responding.  I was in complete shock!  Why would I have a demonic encounter after I had spent the day fasting and praying to God.  It made no sense at all! I knew that Diane loved me, and to her credit, at least she was saying this to me, rather than behind my back. I could see that she genuinely believed what she was saying was for my benefit. I let her know that I didn't agree, but said very little else. When we hung up the phone, all I could think about was Lauren.  It seemed that they were giving up the fight, and I was completely heartbroken.  (I haven't spoken with either of them since this time.) 

This time in my life was so difficult and confusing, and I often questioned myself.   Why was this burning desire inside of me to encourage people to fight for healing so strong? Was I off track? Was I doing something wrong? Why were so many people suddenly rising up against me?  

In these moments of doubt, the pastor's words, from the sermon that followed Kaylee's healing, would come to my mind again: "...You will feel like stopping. You will say, 'What went wrong?'  But the truth is, you just might be doing everything right. If you're not butting heads with the devil from time to time, you just might be walking with him. Do not let it distract you!"  

If this burning desire had been placed in my heart by God, I knew that I had to continue to persevere. If this was His assignment for me, I didn't want to let Him down. After all, He had not let me down. I had to finish the race for Him!