"Whoever acknowledges me before others, I will also acknowledge before my Father in Heaven. But whoever disowns me before others, I will disown before my Father in Heaven."
Mathew 10:32-33
A few days after the incident where Kaylee was caught pouring her carrot juice out, she explained to me that she had recently read a story about Rick Heil, the lead singer of the Christian worship band, Sonicflood. Rick had appeared on The 700 Club to share his testimony of how he was miraculously healed of Crohn's disease (the same disease she had) through the power of prayer. Apparently this story really had a profound effect on Kaylee, not only because of the miraculous way that God had healed him but also because she suddenly realized all that God had saved her from. Rick had been diagnosed at age 11 and had undergone multiple surgeries to remove eight feet of his intestines and had been fed intravenously for long periods of time. It was so bad at one point that he lost his will to live altogether. I believe this may have been the first time that Kaylee truly understood the seriousness of the disease she was battling.
One might think that, after reading this story, Kaylee would have been grateful for the diet God had led us to. Yet, she later explained to me that her discouragement was due in great part to the fact that I was now putting all of my focus on the diet, rather than on God. I had turned back to the tangible solution, and my faith (concerning her healing) was nowhere near what it had been in the beginning. Kaylee could sense all of this. We had even completely dropped our nightly prayers together for her healing during this time.
It was also discouraging to Kaylee to have gone through all that we had with the diet, only to watch this disease later multiply into three diseases a few years after we stopped the diet. She did not want to be dependent on a restrictive diet and lifestyle for the remainder of her life.
I believe that God led us to the diet, in the beginning, for a number of reasons. First of all, God needed to show us both how important it is that we put healthy food into our bodies. Throughout this time, we found out that many diseases can be prevented and turned around through diet alone. By watching Kaylee's miraculous transformation, I now understood that disease is not something to ever accept as God's will or plan for our lives. I learned that disease is a consequence, not a calling. Although I believe there were many contributing factors to the onset of Kaylee's disease, I DO believe that the way we eat, as a society, is one of these factors.
God taught us many things throughout this time that we still benefit from today. God also saved Kaylee from years of medications, which are unnatural to the body and would have torn down and weakened her own immune response through the years. I am so thankful for the miraculous way that God led us through that time.
I knew that we couldn't stop the diet altogether, without putting Kaylee at risk, so for the next several months we relied heavily on Primal Defense. This unique whole food blend of homeostatic soil organisms (probiotics), developed by Jordan Rubin, kept her going for some time. By tripling the suggested daily servings (she was taking 9 pills per day) we were able keep Kaylee's symptoms more under control without her having to be so restricted in her diet. Once Kaylee and I had come to an understanding about what she wanted (a complete healing from God without dependency on a restrictive diet) she agreed to do what she needed to do until this time came.
Over the next several months, I began to feel as though God wanted me to start fasting. It was so clear and specific at times that I even felt He was wanting me to fast on Fridays. I tried this a few times, but quickly discovered that fasting was not my thing at all. It was extremely hard for me to make it through the day without food. When I think back, I can now see that God already had Kaylee's complete healing planned out, yet He knew exactly how long it would take for me to come around and do what He needed me to do. I definitely discovered during this time that food was a source of comfort for me. I didn't feel that I was necessarily being disobedient when I didn't make it all the way through a fast or when I forgot about it altogether (although God may have seen things differently). I just considered this time to be a "training period" .....a training that I was failing at miserably.
One morning, as I was getting the children off to school, I heard a knock on my front door. I went to the door, expecting to find a neighborhood child who had missed the bus and needed a ride (which happened frequently) but instead found a lady standing there holding a briefcase. She introduced
herself to me as a caseworker for D.H.R., (The Department of Human Resources) and told me that she had been sent to investigate a report that had been made, by an anonymous person, about my parenting. Apparently someone had turned me in for abuse or neglect of Kaylee.
I was pretty sure that I knew who this person was because a "friend" had once called me to her house and told me that she felt I was "off track" concerning Kaylee. She also told me that she felt it was her duty as my "friend" to let me know this. It was all I could do to "bite my tongue" as she told me all of the things I was doing wrong that night, but I felt that I had handled it well. I simply responded, as calmly as I could, and let her know that I was doing what I believed God had led me to do. I did add, before I left, that I would consider her "concerns". I could tell later that she was not happy I had not taken her advice. There had been several other incidents, following this, that led me to believe that she was the culprit, but I never confronted her about it. I knew full well who my real enemy was!
The caseworker let me know, from the start, that her goal was always to prove that these reports were not true, and this eased my nerves somewhat. Even so, it was hard not to be afraid. As a social worker myself, I knew there was a possibility that Kaylee could be taken from me and placed in foster care, which would have been completely devastating. At the time, the two doctors Kaylee had most recently seen were not supportive of what I was doing. Although they had each respected my decision, I knew that this was not in my favor either. I began to wonder if there was even a possibility that I could go to jail if I did not agree to put Kaylee back on the medication. The truth was, she was not doing as well as she had been in the past. She was very thin and frail. With so many things going wrong in our lives, up to this point, I feared this was yet another "enemy attack" on our family that could go terribly wrong.
I immediately called my close family and friends to let them know what was going on and to get advice as to how I needed to handle things. Most of them felt that I should leave God and religion out of our discussions and focus mainly on the benefits of the diet. They felt that it was important that I not come across as one of those "religious fanatics" who was simply believing for a supernatural healing. For the most part, I agreed with this advice. I didn't want to deny God, but I didn't want to go overboard either. There had been a recent case in Alabama where a child had died from type 1 Diabetes because the parents had neglected to give him insulin, believing God had healed him. Although my heart went out to those parents, I saw this as foolishness. I certainly didn't want to come across as being like them!
The caseworker wanted to first meet with me at my house. My friend, Joyce (who is a nurse) came to this meeting to give me support and really helped me get through it. In fact, I believe she did more of the talking than I did on this day. I was feeling extremely uncomfortable and intimidated. It might sound crazy, but I believe I would have felt much more confident if I had at least lived in a nicer house (like I once did). All of the circumstances surrounding my life at the time (six children in a three bed-room house, not having a husband around, etc) only intensified these feelings of insecurity and vulnerability. I couldn't help but to feel beneath people at times, especially under these humiliating circumstances.
By the time this first meeting ended, I actually felt pretty good about things. We had stuck to the plan of focusing mainly on the diet. I had many doctors' reports to show that Kaylee had indeed turned things around through this diet. I even had a doctor's report that said she had been misdiagnosed at one point. The evidence was definitely in my favor.
The caseworker asked to meet with Kaylee next. When she arrived at our house for this meeting, I left the room and let her talk to Kaylee alone. I was completely confident that Kaylee (with God's help) could handle the situation without me, and I felt that it would make a loud statement if I wasn't sitting there trying to control things. Although Kaylee's life was hard and very sad at the time, she understood that it had to be this way for now. She knew, more than anyone, that the alternative was much worse.
Finally, the caseworker asked for one final meeting at D.H.R., where she was going to write an official report to send in with her recommendations to her supervisor. As I was sitting there in the parking lot praying before I went in, I felt these words penetrate my heart: I DO NOT want you to leave Me out of this meeting. ....I sat there for a minute completely shocked by what I had just heard. I had not planned on denying God, and I certainly wanted Him to be there with me in the meeting. Yet, I knew instantly what God was saying to me because I had not planned to bring Him up at all. I felt good about how things were going at this point. Yet, knowing my plans, I couldn't deny that these words must have come from God. I would never have come up with that on my own!
I looked over and saw my Bible sitting in the seat next to me. I had made it a point to bring every book I needed about health and diet to show this caseworker that I was doing what was best for Kaylee, but I had not planned on taking my Bible in with me. As I sat there for another moment thinking, my perspective on it all suddenly began to change. What if this caseworker needed to hear about the goodness of God? What if she had a sick child one day and needed to know who to turn to? How could I deny who my SOURCE was? ....How could I leave out the ONE who had led me every step of the way?
All at once I began to understand that the complete truth was imperative in order for God to take what Satan intended for evil and work it for good. I began to see that this wasn't even about me at all, it was about Him! This was His story! It sounded completely crazy, yet I suddenly began to see this as an opportunity to share the miraculous things that God had done!
I walked into the D.H.R. building that day with my Bible in hand. As we began our meeting, I did not feel intimidated or nervous at all. In fact, I felt excited to tell her everything that God had done for us! I told her the entire story, beginning to end, including every scripture, prayer, and how God had led me every step of the way! She took very extensive notes throughout, and I left there entrusting the entire situation to God. I even prayed that her notes would be used to bless someone else who might need this information in the future! It ended up being an absolutely wonderful day! I didn't even care how things ended up for me; I knew I had done the right thing!
A few days later, I received a phone call from the supervisor letting me know that I had been completely cleared of all accusations against me. The supervisor was extremely nice and respectful and only requested that I take Kaylee to a doctor for a check up and then let them know the name of the doctor she was seeing so they could close the file out. I asked her if she needed me to bring proof that Kaylee had seen the doctor, and she told me that was not necessary. She then said, "We will take your word on it." It was the most wonderful feeling to be treated with dignity and respect, despite my humble circumstances at the time.
Kaylee's miraculous time of healing was right around the corner, but I did not know this at the time. I now understand that this incident was a huge test, and I am so thankful that I did not deny God His due glory!
No comments:
Post a Comment