Our Story, Part Seventeen

"Praise the Lord, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits -
who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases, 
who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagles"

Psalms 103:2-5

Although God had saved us from so many things and had miraculously made a way for me to take care of my children, our full recovery from all of the job losses and hardships did not happen over night.  There were still so many repercussions and consequences that remained for some time.  There was no savings, very little extra money, and no credit to fall back on in emergencies.  Our income had been cut by more than half since we first moved to Auburn, so there were many lifestyle adjustments that had to be made as well.  Also, I was now doing the day to day struggles of raising six children all on my own. 

During those years of struggling, we had not been able to maintain things or replace anything in the house for a very long time.  Our living room furniture, which had been through six small children and several moves over the last ten+ years, had now become very worn and holes were starting to pop up all over it.  There came a point when I wouldn't even go into the living room, unless I absolutely had to, because it bothered me so much to even look at the condition of the furniture.  During this time, we were too embarrassed to have anyone over to the house (with the exception of a few very close friends who understood).

We were eventually able to replace this furniture with someone else's (less worn) discarded furniture.  Erica called me one day and told me that her neighbor had put a couch and recliner out by the side of the road.  Her neighbor had told her that if she knew of anyone who might want it they could have it for $100.  Although that was a lot of money to me at that time, I was so desperate to get rid of the furniture that had holes in it!  I remember that it was raining on the night we went to pick the furniture up, and when we finally managed to get the furniture into the house, the couch smelled like a wet dog.  It is still so hard for me to believe that things were so bad at one point that we were actually picking up discarded furniture, from the side of the road, in the rain, that smelled like a dog! ....Yet, we were thankful.  

There were also little things going wrong with the van that I had driven for a very long time.  Every time I hit, even the smallest bump, the door would come off track and the interior lights would start blinking on and off until we could stop and shut the door again.   This became very annoying and embarrassing, especially at night when it was so obvious.  We all just learned to laugh about this.

Also, every time it would rain hard, water would get into the engine and cause the belt to slip off track.  During this time, if I was out driving and it started to rain hard, I would end up on the side of the road, broken down.  This happened frequently, and needless to say, nobody wants to be broken down on the side of the road, but especially in the pouring down rain!  It seemed that this would always happen at the most inopportune times, and although I can laugh about it today, there was nothing funny about it at the time!  Not only would I have to get the van towed, I would also have to get the belt replaced every time this happened.  The mechanic I was using at the time (the only person who would extend credit to me) could not figure out how to permanently fix the problem, so it continued to happen for more than a year.  My nephew, who is not a mechanic, later rigged it (one Christmas Eve when I was broken down in Trussville) and it never happened again. 

As things began to settle down, I knew that I had to get my focus back on Kaylee's health.  With the minimal amount of care I had been able to give her, she was not doing that bad, yet I knew it could just be a matter of time.  She decided that she wanted to try to go back to school, and although I was concerned that the added stress might trigger her symptoms again, I desperately wanted it to work out for her!  I figured that if I could focus heavily on her diet, she might be able to do it.  

Kaylee made it through the first half of the year with very few problems, but as it would typically go, she began to get overwhelmed by the second half of the year.  She had enjoyed her history class the first semester, but this class had been replaced with physical science the second semester and the material in this class was very difficult for Kaylee to comprehend.  I met with her teacher and explained to her what a hard time Kaylee was having, and the teacher told me that she personally believed this material was too much and too hard for this age group.  She even told me they were considering changing the requirements and moving this class to later on in high school (which they did two years later).  For Kaylee, however, this change came too late, and although I can't blame this class entirely, it did seem to be "the straw that broke the camel's back."  

Kaylee had not only wanted to be back in school, she wanted to be involved and she wanted to make good grades.  Although most parents would be happy for their children to have this mindset, for Kaylee, it just didn't always work out.  Her body  couldn't keep up with what she wanted for herself.  Time and time again, I watched it all begin to unravel for her and it was heartbreaking.  

Kaylee had joined the show choir that year, and had landed a part in the school play.  All of this took a great deal of her time after school, which meant that she would be up even later at night studying for physical science.  Just a few weeks into the second semester, almost overnight, her body completely shut down again.  Her joints started swelling and aching; she began to have intense stomach pain;   her fever spiked; and her weight began to drop drastically again.  At this point, I felt that we had no choice but for her to come out of school again.  This would be her last time back in public school.  She only made it through one semester of high school, and we could see that her body was just too weak to handle it.  Needless to say, it was very disappointing.


Although Kaylee had not been able to handle going to school, God would still send me confirmations to let me know I was doing the right thing.  During this time, I received a phone call from a very traumatized grandmother who had heard about how well Kaylee had done through the years.  Her granddaughter had been diagnosed with Crohn's disease at the same age that Kaylee had been and was Kaylee's age now.  She had been on medication all of this time and under a doctor's care, yet she had continued to have many "flareups" (much more than Kaylee had).  Not only that, the doctors were now talking about performing a colostomy on her.  This poor grandmother was so desperate for any help that she could get, and she told me that they were praying for complete healing for her granddaughter!   

When I would hear stories like this, I was so thankful that God had led me in the direction He did.  We had made it all of this time with no medication, which had spared Kaylee's body the immediate and long-term side effects.  As I have stated before, only God knew Kaylee's body and exactly how she would respond to these medications over time.  While some people may do fine, I had been given such a clear warning.  I knew that I had to hang on to this no matter how hard things became for her.  

When things did not work out for Kaylee in school, she became very alone and isolated from her peers.  It is hard for anyone to understand sickness and disease, but particularly hard for teenagers.  By removing the stress, we were able to get Kaylee's symptoms more under control, yet even so, it was extremely hard for me to see how alone she was.  Naturally, it only intensified the situation that she had two sisters, on either side of her, who were able to enjoy all of the things she could not   ...and right in front of her.

One of the hardest times for me came the following year, right around Kaylee's 16th birthday.  Most of Kaylee's peers were having big birthday celebrations and getting cars for their birthdays.  Obviously, I could not afford to get Kaylee a car or even give her a nice party as I would have liked to.  She had become so isolated at this point that I wouldn't have even known who to invite for a small gathering.

To make matters worse, the high school homecoming dance (which would have been her first dance) had been scheduled on the day of her 16th birthday.   Also, my oldest daughter, Brooke, had been selected to be on homecoming court this particular year, so for her, there was even more excitement surrounding this time.  Although Kaylee was very sweet and supportive of Brooke, I knew it was hard.   

I found out (only a few weeks ahead of time) that Brooke was now going to need a formal dress for the pep rally, a suit for the field at half-time, and a semi-formal dress for the homecoming dance.  I also found out, around the same time, that all of the tires on my van needed to be replaced.  In addition to this, Barret's birthday was the day after Kaylee's, and although it wasn't as big of a birthday, I had to do a little something for him also.  The money just wasn't there for me to make all of this happen for everyone, and I didn't really know what to do about it.

One morning I was sitting out on my front porch, and it all just started to hit me.  Not only was I sad for Kaylee, the years were slipping away with Brooke, and it seemed that for so long all I had been able to focus on was "keeping our heads above water."  I had not been able to attend many of her games or seen her cheer often because I had been working nights throughout most of this time.  Although I was so thankful for all God had done and I understood it should have been so much worse, I was just sad.  I wanted to be able to enjoy this time for Brooke without having to always worry about money.  I poured my heart out to God about how I was feeling this day.

Literally within minutes of this prayer, a new  friend of mine, Sissy Reynolds, pulled up in front of my house.  I remember feeling embarrassed at first because I was sure that it looked like I had been crying.  I had only known Sissy for a very short period of time (her daughter cheered with Brooke) and although she and I had immediately felt a connection, I had shared very little with her about my personal life.  In fact, I had made every effort to make things appear different because her life seemed so perfect in comparison.    

She apologized to me for dropping by unannounced and we talked for just a moment.  Then she said, "Oh, I have something to give you," and she handed me a check for $1,000!  I didn't even know what to say or do.  "Please take it," she said, "I was talking with Rick (her husband) last night, and we really want you to have this." 

Of all the amazing things God had done for me through the years, this was probably the most shocking of all!  For one, I had not said a word to anyone about how I was feeling and I had worked so hard to put on a front for Sissy.  Secondly, God had already orchestrated it all, even before I had poured my heart out to Him over it.  Once again, He had shown me that He cared about all of the details of my children's lives.  Even as I sat there that day, praying with a heavy heart, He already had help on the way! 

A couple of days after this, Sissy took me to her friend's house (who had a closet full of beautiful formal dresses and suits for me to look through.)  They told me that Brooke could borrow whatever she needed.  Not only were we able to get the suit and formal dress for homecoming, we also found the most beautiful dress that she would later wear for prom.  God continued to amaze me with His provision and His faithfulness to meet every little need!

Kaylee's 16th birthday was still hard.  It was hard that she was alone and that all of her friends were at their first high school dance where she should have been.  It was hard because she didn't even have one friend to celebrate with her.  It was hard because I would have loved to have been able to give her a nice party and even get her a car.  It was hard because she was still struggling physically and I didn't know what to expect for her future.  

I took all of the kids out for her birthday that night, after Brooke left for the dance.  As we sat there at the table, I started to talk about how proud I was of Kaylee for being so strong and how thankful I was that she had been born, but as I tried to say all of this, I couldn't hold the tears back any longer.  I was tired of her always having to be strong.

It wasn't long after this that Brooke overheard Kaylee pouring her carrot juice down the toilet one night.  I also found a huge stash of her supplements hidden behind a dresser in her bedroom, which let me know this had been going on for some time.  (We now laugh and refer to this as Kaylee's period of teenage rebellion because this was honestly as bad as she ever was.)  At the moment, however, it was not funny to me at all!  Needless to say, I was furious that all of my time and all of the money I was spending was literally going down the toilet!  I was also terrified for Kaylee's life!

After I yelled for a while and let all of this be known, I went back to Kaylee's room (where she had retreated to escape my wrath) to have a "heart to heart" with her.  

"Why are you doing this?"  I asked her. "Do you not understand how serious this is?  Do you know that you could die?"  

She sat there for a minute not saying anything, then she looked up at me and said, "I want God to heal me."  

"I do too, but He hasn't ..." I started to say, then I felt that lump come up in my throat again as well as that deep sense of disappointment, and suddenly I understood what Kaylee must have been feeling.  It had been a very long time since we had started praying for this healing (more than 7 years).  Although she had been well for most of this time, it was very hard to understand what was happening now.

This was the point when I first realized that, although I did believe that God could use a diet to heal Kaylee, I did not believe He would do it without the diet.  The diet had become what I had put all of my hope and trust in, yet I couldn't even afford to do all that I needed to do anymore.  I was just hanging on and doing the very minimal to keep her functioning   ....But I could see that Kaylee had now moved on to a higher level of faith, and although dumping her juice down the toilet was not the right way to go about letting me know this, I could now see that she believed that God could heal her completely without a diet.    

I didn't really know how to respond to Kaylee's new perspective on things, but I told her I would pray about it.  The truth was, every time Kaylee had gotten sick again, my focus would always go first to the diet rather than to God.  My prayers had become just a formality and even an afterthought.     

As I laid down that night, many thoughts were going through my mind.   .....Was it possible that God was now moving on Kaylee's  heart?  If so, how could I let my doubt and fears stand in the way of her childlike faith?  Was it possible that He didn't even need a diet and that He could do so much more than I ever imagined or thought possible?