"Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ."
Philippians 1:6
When I woke up on the morning of January 19, 2008 it was snowing (an extremely rare event for Auburn, Al). My heart was filled with joy as I remembered back to the prayer journal I had given Kaylee shortly after she had been diagnosed with Crohn's disease (nearly nine years earlier). In this journal, she would write little notes to God about her day, and she always closed each one of these journal entries with these exact words:
I love you God. Thank you God for healing me!
p.s. Please let it snow today!
It was absolutely precious! There is nothing quite like the pure, innocent heart of a child, and it always amazed me that Kaylee never failed to thank God for her healing back then, even before the healing came. She had never been told to do this. She had done this all on her own! I couldn't help but to believe that God had sent this snow just for her as a sign or a promise of her healing!
This moment of peace and joy did not last very long, however, before I suddenly began to feel anxious. I wasn't prepared for snow! I didn't have enough food in the house! I didn't have logs for the fireplace in the event we lost power! ...I jumped up, got dressed and headed to the grocery store. The entire way, I was feeling extremely worried and anxious, and I really wasn't sure what had brought this on.
On my way back home from the store, I made a phone call to Erica. I had to make certain that all of that had really happened the night before and that she remembered it exactly the way that I had. I needed to know that it was real! Erica reassured me of everything and helped to ease my anxious thoughts. More than anything else, I think I was feeling anxious over whether or not Kaylee would be healed when she woke up that morning. The thought of her going through that disappointment again was almost too much. We had all gone to bed believing that something big had just happened.
I came home and waited for Kaylee to wake up. Although I was nervous, anticipating what was about to happen, there was one thing that was undeniable on this day: the incredible peace that filled my home! I no longer felt the strong presence of God like I had the night before, yet this peace remained so strong. Something miraculous had most definitely taken place within our home!
A couple of hours after I returned home from the store, I finally heard footsteps (stomps) go across the house. After this, I heard what sounded like a piece of paper being ripped up and tossed into the trash can. I wasn't sure what it was that had been ripped up, but I could tell by the sounds I was hearing that somebody was angry! I also sensed somehow that it was Kaylee I was hearing.
I went into her room to see what was going on and of course to ask her how she was feeling. She had a look of intense anger on her face as I entered the room (as if I had done something terrible to her).
"Is everything okay?" I asked. "How are you feeling?"
"I feel worse than I have ever felt in my entire life!" she said.
....Every symptom that she had ever had in her life seemed to have surfaced overnight!
Naturally, my first reaction was disappointed and fear, but I knew that I could not let Kaylee know this. I had to remain strong and confident in front of her.
"Kaylee, I don't know what is going on, but we have to trust God. We know that it was Him at work last night. It certainly wasn't me! He is not going to let you down. He will be faithful to complete what He started! We have to know that!"
....I said all of this as though I actually believed it.
Kaylee did not have anything else to say to me. She was clearly in a great deal of pain. Her joints were noticeably swollen and aching. Her stomach pain was intense! I could see that she felt absolutely horrible!
After this, I went off to a room by myself so that I could spend some time with God. Satan was most definitely planting fear and doubt in my mind. I could almost hear him saying to me: What did you really expect? Of course God let you down, again.
I remember saying a prayer that went something like this: "What are you doing God? I didn't ask for any of this! I wasn't even planning on praying for Kaylee's healing! I was fine with doing the diet! I don't understand what's happening!"
....At this point, I was very much afraid for Kaylee's life!
Within moments of my crying out to God in fear, I suddenly felt as though He wrapped me up in a supernatural peace. He then brought a verse to my mind that I had put to memory years before. These words had never sounded more beautiful or made more sense than they did in that moment. Although I couldn't fully understand it at the time, this verse seemed to describe perfectly what was happening inside of Kaylee's body:
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. Since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." II Corinthians 4:16-18
Immediately after God brought this verse to my mind, the words that Janiee's doctor had spoken the day before (when her symptoms had all gotten worse before they got better) came into my mind: "It's reversing itself." ....Amazingly, God had even orchestrated the timing of this doctor's appointment to prepare me!
Again, there are so many things about Kaylee's healing that I still don't understand fully. Yet, in that moment with God, I knew that everything was going to be okay and that God was at work in ways that were beyond my understanding. I also knew that I was about to experience a faith walk like nothing I had ever known before. I had done this once, when Kaylee was doing the diet the first time, but this was going to require an entire new level of faith. Once again, God had given me a huge confirmation to help carry me along!
I now understood that, although Kaylee appeared to be wasting away, outwardly, I had to continue to trust and believe with all of my heart that inwardly she was being renewed day by day. I had to fix my eyes on the unseen! It was evident that God had been preparing and training me for this moment for a very long time!
For the remainder of that day, I stayed wrapped up in peace. I did not allow myself to become anxious or to worry. Although the months ahead would be a roller coaster ride at times, I was about to experience an amazing ride like nothing I had ever encountered before! God had a perfect plan in motion, and He had already set everything into place to bring it about!
1 comment:
Laura, you did an amazing job writing all of this so beautifully. There is no limit to what God can do! You do have to have faith, even when it looks like things aren't coming together as you'd like. I was told when I was 21 that I was dying and that they'd keep me as "comfortable" as possible. At 21 I felt like I hadn't even lived yet! I was on a lot of prayer lists and I remember praying to God and I said "I know You don't give us more than we can handle, but I think this is more than I can bare." I was in an extreme amount of pain at that time. I remember suddenly becoming very sick with a really high temperature and chills and rigors...I felt like I was dying but I woke up the next more and all the horrible pain I'd been experiencing for weeks was completely gone. My illness too got worse before it got better. I did almost die when my son was only 9 months old, but again I believe God saved me. Now, 10 years later I haven't had any problems since. I still have my disease but I'm living with it and the few tumors I could feel in my stomach are actually shrinking, some are completely gone! God is amazing and I thank Him everyday for allowing me to continue on and raise my son. I also want to thank everyone who prayed for my healing. Having cancer at such a young age has definitely increased my faith in what God can do. I think it's changed me in a lot of ways...you definitely know what's important in life when you're faced with such obstacles and I think it's made me a much more compassionate person. I never would have asked for cancer but I wouldn't change a thing now either. I'm so happy your daughter's been healed! I pray God continues to bless your beautiful family in every way possible!
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