Our Story, Part Forty-Three (Love Covers a Multitude of Sin)

"Above all, 
love each other deeply.

Because love covers a multitude of sin."

(I Peter 4:8)

During the years I was away from this church, I was never settled in my spirit or at peace with the way things had been left. I felt that our testimony had significant purpose, and to leave things in this broken state was exactly what the enemy wanted. Yet every effort I made to try and fix things or to reconcile only seemed to further validate the enemy's case against me. It was a vicious trap, and every effort to break free seemed to entangle me more. 

Even those who did believe me about what had really happened -once they realized how hopeless it was- would tell me that it didn't matter what anyone thought or said about me. But it mattered to me! If our reputations are of no relevance, why does God tell us to guard them? Why does His word say: 

"A good name is rather to be chosen that great riches, and loving favour rather than silver or gold"? (Proverbs 22:1)
  
Of course there are always going to be people who don't like us in this world. If someone doesn't like us because of our stand for Christ or our personal convictions, THAT is when it should not matter. We have to stand firm in who we are and what we believe, not allowing the opinion of others to affect or change us. Also, if someone does not like us because of our past or a sin that we have repented of and turned away from, we can't concern ourselves too much with that either. But when people do not like us because of a lie of the enemy or a vicious rumor that has been stirred up and perpetuated within a church, that is an entirely different thing. It is isolating, depleting and destructive. It can shut down our witness, our testimony, and even the calling God has on our lives.
      
A few years ago I heard a sermon at First Baptist Church Woodstock by Pastor Johnny Hunt on this very subject.  He told us a story about something that had happened to him early on in his ministry. He had been scheduled for several speaking engagements, but suddenly without explanation, he began receiving phone calls letting him know that he was no longer needed to speak. Nobody gave him any real explanation, but he knew something was very wrong. As he began to ask questions, he soon discovered that the reason for the cancellations was based on gossip (a false rumor). This rumor, which had first started within his church, had then made its way outside the church and spread like wildfire. 

Eventually he had been able to get to the bottom of things, and was able to confront the woman who had started the rumor that he was on his second marriage.  This presented a big problem within the Baptist church for a pastor. It was all a big misunderstanding, based on a partial truth.  He had married at a young age, during a time when he was not walking with God.  He was later saved and then eventually became a pastor. But the truth was, he was still married to the same woman. This rumor could have had devastating consequences on his ministry had he not been able to find out what was being spread around about him in secret.  

When gossip and rumors are going around, it is the hardest thing to clear up because the person being talked about is left in the dark. Fortunately for this pastor, it was a rumor that could easily be cleared up.  How much harder is it to clear up a rumor or gossip that cannot be proven (like a motive of your heart)? And how much harder when it is being spread by people with power and position in a church?

This message had definitely struck a cord with me because this was exactly what I knew had happened to me following Kaylee's healing.  I knew that something had been spread around about me in this church.  I had an idea of what it was, because of Erica and The Bait of Satan book, but I couldn't really prove anything one way or another. Nobody had been completely honest or upfront with me. Even the few things I knew I was being accused of, from my meeting with Pastor Stan and Beverly, were things that I could not prove because they were judgments of my motives.  

Furthermore, I was a person who didn't really matter that much in the church (a disregarded member). If false rumors or gossip were being spread around about someone of position, few people would say that it didn't matter what anyone else thought or said.  It is essential that a pastor, elder, deacon or teacher keep his good name. Most people within the congregation would quickly jump to the defense of their pastor. It was a helpless feeling to continually be told, by those who knew the truth, that it didn't matter what anyone was saying about me.  It was as though my witness, my testimony, and the calling I felt that God had on my life were insignificant and didn't really matter either. After all, nobody was going to believe the testimony of a person who had secretly been labeled as a manipulator (or furthermore a "wolf").

After Pastor Stan left, my decision to return to the church had a lot to do with my children and how the church had helped them grow spiritually.  For a mother (without a husband in my home) this was a top priority.  Also, as I stated before, I continued to feel a strong calling on my life to encourage people to believe and pray for physical healing.  In order to continue to grow in this area, I felt that this church had something I needed.   

I remember my first day back vividly.  Walking up to the church, we passed right by Beverly and her husband.  They did not acknowledge us, but kept looking straight ahead as we passed. Although I knew there was a possibility they hadn't noticed us, we were a hard family to miss.  Even so, I tried not to think too much about it. I had not acknowledged them either.

As we got closer, I also noticed Sally out of the corner of my eye. I glanced at her only briefly, but couldn't help but notice that she did not take her eyes off of me.  I knew right away it was not going to be easy, and as it would turn out, it seemed that every Sunday from that point forward, I would have to pass right by either Jackie or Sally (or sometimes both) as I entered into the sanctuary. 

"Hello Laura," Sally would say.

Nearly every time, this verse would come to my mind: "Their tongue is a deadly arrow; It speaks with deceit. With his mouth each speaks cordially to his neighbor, but in his heart he sets a trap for them."  (Jeremiah 9:8)

Whether this was true or not, I felt like every move I made was being watched by her, and that she was looking for something to say.  I was cordial, but never warm or friendly to her.   

On that first day back, I also noticed Bob standing in the back of the church. Bob had been one of the men involved in Kaylee's prayer service and was also the one who had prayed with me a few days afterward.  I had never forgotten his prayer for our family and something told me on this first day back that Bob had too much wisdom and life experience to allow himself to be pulled into any gossip or secret talk about me.  Because of everything that had happened, I had not spoken with him since our prayer, but I desperately wanted him to know that Kaylee had been healed.  Before I left the church that day, I approached Kevin (one of the few I knew had not turned against me) and asked him if he would ask Bob to give me a call.  

Bob called me later that evening, and the first thing he said to me was, "What are you mad at me about?"  

"Oh no!" I quickly assured him.  "I'm not mad at all!"  

Apparently he had picked up on my hesitation to approach him throughout this time.

"There was a lot of controversy following our prayer service, and I haven't been able to talk with people about what happened." I explained.  "That was why we left the church. I just wanted to make sure you knew that Kaylee was healed that night." I went on. "I wanted you to know how grateful I am to you for all that you did."

"Oh, I know she was healed!" he assured me. "I knew it that night."

After this, I explained a little to him about what had happened following that night.  He was very careful with his words, but let me know that he was aware of the controversy that had surrounding our healing and that he was not a part of it.  

It was a great relief to me to know that there were still some at the church who knew the truth about that night. Also, because he had felt that I might be upset with him about something, I began to realize that there might be others who felt the same way. We had left the church without explanation, and I had avoided many of the people involved with Kaylee's healing because I did not want to be tempted to speak against the pastor.  I decided that I would make every effort to be warm and friendly with everyone. I didn't know for certain who all had turned against me, so I tried to act as though nothing had happened at all.

Although I was determined to have this mindset, the tension within the church still remained evident. It was in little things that I picked up on. For example, one of the men who had been involved in Kaylee's prayer service was handing out sheets one Sunday, and as he did, I noticed he would smile and speak to everyone.  Kaylee and I were sitting on the end of the last row, and as he approached us, I braced myself for how he would receive us. I was taken aback when he reached our row, but then handed Kaylee the sheet to his side without looking at her or acknowledging her at all. It was one thing for people to treat me this way, but another for me to see Kaylee being shunned.  Things such as this continued to happen, and Kaylee also noticed that most of the people who had prayed for her that night no longer acknowledged her at all. This was really shocking to me. But again, it was only a small group within the church.  

One Sunday, after the sermon, the congregation was asked to come forward (I can't remember if it was for communion or prayer or what specifically).  At the end of each section, a couple was standing to minister to us, and as I moved forward, I realized that it was Jackie and her husband standing at the front of our section.  I felt tense at first and wondered if there was any way I could slip out or head in another direction without it being obvious. The only problem was, my children were in front of me and behind me as we were lined up and headed toward them. There was really nothing I could do to avoid them, so I began to pray and ask God to help me. As I did, something amazing took place inside of me. Suddenly all I could think of was Kaylee's prayer service and the love they had shown me on that night.  They had both played such valuable roles in Kaylee's healing, and suddenly I was overcome with gratitude.  Before my eyes, on that Sunday morning, they both transformed back into the two individuals who had once shown us so much love. By the time I reached them, I was so overcome with love for them both, that I hugged them and began to sob.

"Thank you so much for what you did for my family!"  I said as the tears continued to flow. I truly meant every word from the bottom of my heart, and only God could have made that happen.

It was in these moments of incredible grace that I truly felt hope.  I knew that the love each one of these people had shown our family far outweighed the sin that had overcome us all afterward. It was this very thing - the power of love- that Satan hated about that night and about our testimony. I could not let him have the victory in this! If love had the power to overcome a vicious disease, it surely had the power to fix this mess that Satan had created. God loved each one of these people, and I had to keep my focus on what they did right, not on what happened afterwards. I was no better than any of them.  As I realized this, forgiveness began to flood my heart.