"We are hard pressed on every side,
but not crushed;
perplexed,
but not in despair;
persecuted,
but not abandoned;
struck down,
but not destroyed."
II Corinthians 4:8&9
It seemed that for every "fiery arrow" Satan sent our direction, God always had a counter response planned. Although we had to walk through some very difficult times, and it would even appear to be completely hopeless, God would always pull something out in the final hour. It truly did feel like there was a spiritual war surrounding our lives for a very long time.
I made up my mind that I would go to the Health Department if I had to. I had worked in the Social Work field for long enough to realize that I was no better than anyone else. For me, it was just an issue of pride (especially with this being my 6th child). To this point, we had not used any type of government assistance to help us get through these job loses (other than unemployment once). I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Looking back, that might have been a big mistake. Much of the debt we accrued throughout the first job loss could have been relieved somewhat. When I consider all the taxes we have paid through the years, that is really what the money should be there for.
Our third child, Janiee, had just started playing softball at this time (before the job loss). I have to emphasize that she had started playing prior to the job loss because this was also another area where I always felt judgment and later heard we received much criticism. I found, during these times, that there are those who feel that your life should come to a complete halt once you have lost your job (especially when it continues to happen). You start to feel as though people are watching your every move to determine whether or not you are being wise with your time and resources. You just have to learn to ignore these things, and focus on the best interest of your children. Bringing life to a halt is very difficult when you have 5 active children involved and numerous job losses. Obviously, we did everything we could to try and keep our children from feeling the impact of these job losses as much as possible. Again, because this had been the source of some of my deepest childhood wounds, I was very in tune to this area with my own children. I would pray for God to provide a way, even in the small areas such as this, and He would always make a way.
Because we had already paid for Janiee to play ball, naturally we didn't just want to pull her off the team in the middle of the season. To be honest, our children's sports were often times our best therapy and temporary escape from our own reality. It was what kept us going many times. I praise God for always making a way to keep my children's lives intact. He truly cares about every detail of our lives!
God would actually go on to use Janiee's softball situation to bring about our next job. Janiee would go on to make the all-star team and her coach for the season also became her all-star coach. We spent a great deal of time with all of the families who had girls on the team, and we made some cherished friendships and memories. When Janiee's coach later found out about the hardships our family was experiencing, he didn't take the viewpoint that we were being disciplined or chastised by God. Instead, he reached out to help us. I cannot tell you how much I love this precious man or how much he truly did for our family during this time!
Not only did he offer my husband a job working for him, he gave my husband a car (which we desperately needed). He didn't even stop there. When he heard that I was having to go through the Health Department for my prenatal care and childbirth, he went back and paid the cobra insurance for us. I let him know that I was fine and that he did not have to do this, but he wouldn't take no for an answer. He reached down and did all that he could to show us the love of Christ. I am eternally grateful to him (and to God for rescuing us, again).
This new job was the exact opposite experience from the previous job in the beginning. For several months, we were able to get a break from the all the stress. Ryleigh was born during this time also, and she brought us great joy! The hardest thing for me was that we were still stuck in a three bedroom rental house. We had been able to move into a house that was slightly larger than the first rental, yet three (relatively small) bedrooms for 8 people continued to be very challenging. I didn't know how much longer I could take it.
Later that winter, I decided I probably needed to take Kaylee to a doctor to find out exactly how things were looking. It had been around four years since she had seen a gastrointestinal doctor. Her pediatrician referred us to a doctor at St. Vincents Hospital in Birmingham. This doctor wanted to run extensive tests to see exactly how things were going. Based on what I was telling him and on what he could see, he believed she had been misdiagnosed the first time. Of course we knew differently, but most doctors just couldn't seem to accept that a diet (along with prayer) could produce the miraculous turn-around we were seeing.
Getting into this next part of our story is going to be very challenging. I am going to have to be vague with the details in order to protect people. I have spoken to my husband, and he has been humble enough to give me permission to share these things. He hopes that it may help someone else one day.
It wasn't long after this doctor's visit that our troubles began again. We began to hear strong rumors that this company was now having problems. We heard that the investors of the company were not happy, and we began to see signs that things were going downhill fast!
First of all, I received a bill from the doctor I had taken Kaylee to. The extensive tests that were run had not been covered by our health insurance. When I called to find out what was going on, I was told that the premium payments had not been made for several months by the company and that the policy had been cancelled. I was shocked! Now, not only did we not have insurance coverage again, we also had this medical bill to add to the rest of our growing debt. All of this for tests that were not even necessary. All of the test came back perfectly normal and had I known that we had no insurance coverage, I would never have taken Kaylee to the doctor during that time.
Within weeks, the company was evicted from the building they were in, and we could most definitely see the "handwriting on the wall." We were about to be jobless again.
I was doing a Beth Moore Bible study at the time, and one day when I was doing my daily study, I came across this verse: "Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren that are in the world." I Peter 5:6-9
As soon as I read this, I felt that God wanted me to go give these verses to my husband. I wasn't clear, so I kept on doing my study and just so happened upon another verse that was very similar in the book of James: "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up." James 4:7&8.
This time, I felt even more strongly that God wanted me to go give these two passages to my husband. I decided I would wait until that evening and read the verses to him when he got home from work; but then I felt these words in my spirit: I want you to go now! It wasn't audible, yet still so clear! I wrote down the date in my study book, and then called my husband and asked him to meet me for lunch. I read him both of these verses with enthusiasm and reminded him that all we had to do was humble ourselves and wait for God to rescue us and lift us up again. I honestly thought I was delivering good news. I had no idea that I was delivering a warning from God. What I also was not aware of was that my husband was becoming very angry over the continual job losses and the threat of yet another one. He had never walked very closely with God to begin with, but now he was turning completely away from God.
In those difficult times, Satan comes after us, targeting every weakness and fear. He tempts us into believing that God is not good and that He cannot be trusted. This is what was happening to my husband, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
Apparently there were a few employees who were not happy with the way things were being handled (at least this is my understanding of the story). Someone within the company had talked my husband into doing something that was clearly wrong and would turn out to be very destructive. It was done on this very night, after I had given him these verses. My husband later admitted to me that he knew God was warning him to not go through with it, but he did not listen. From this point, it was like my husband turned into a completely different person. He had become an angry man. As a result of this decision, many things began to happen and God was clearly no longer in control of the circumstances surrounding our lives. It felt as if the enemy had now taken over. Although I know that God continued to keep me and my children secure and safe and that He kept the destruction within His boundaries, it continued to get even darker.
God was very merciful and continued to give my husband more chances to humble himself and turn to Him. There were two more jobs (and job losses) following this, but this time the job losses were because of my husband's choices. As a result of free will and sin, most everything I feared would eventually come to be, including the loss of my house back in Clay. Not only did everything crumble in my world around me, but my marriage fell apart as well. The next few years would be my very darkest times. The only thing I had been holding onto was Kaylee's continued health and all that I had seen God do during that time. Then suddenly, her symptoms began to come back also. Everything became dark ..... very very dark.
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